Better list of religious versions:

Taoism Shit happens.
Confucianism Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Mormonism This shit is going to happen again.
Islam If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism Shit happens because you deserve it.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
Marxism This shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism Absurd shit.
Agnosticism What is this shit?
Nihilism Who gives a shit?
Deconstruction Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives.
Christian Science Shit is in your mind.
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses Knock, Knock, shit happens.
Scientology Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna Shit happens, Rama Rama.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit.
A fictitious explanation of the origin of this phrase occurs in the 1994 movie Forrest Gump. During his capricious run, an enthusiastic fan running alongside him points out to Forrest that he has just stepped in a pile of dog feces. When Forrest replies, "It happens," the fan replies, "What, shit?", to which Forrest replies, "Sometimes". The fan is then unwittingly inspired to create the "Shit Happens" bumper sticker. wikipedia
by Minthos September 05, 2010
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This was first slurred by a drunken soldier in a bar in europe who was pinning over his impending divorce. The phrase was picked up by the soldier's friend who in turn made it his "catch phrase". It quickly gained popularity and propigated through out the military community. Within two years the phrase started showing up back in the United States.
The blasted soldier was trying to say: I'm stuck over here and she is back home. She met someone else. I'm over here. This is how this kind of shit happens, because he was blaming the military for shipping him overseas.
What came out of the soldier was: ah'm shruck ova heer an shees back home. Sheez met summ one cuz ah'm ova here. An thatz, Shit happens.
by biker dude November 08, 2009
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Jehovah's Witness view of Shit Happens: "Shit has been prophesied and is imminent! Only the righteous shall survive it happening!"
Gaze thine sallow orbs upon the definition inscribed above, young acolyte, and observe how the Striped Erzulie can turn "see above" into more than 20 words through the wonders of bullshit.
by The Striped Erzulie August 29, 2005
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A phrase that was originally created in the movie "Gump". Oddly enough, it can be modified to represent almost every religion and religional sect's main message.
Taoism: Shit Happens.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, take hostages.

Buddhism: If shit happens is it really shit?

Protestantism: Shit happens if you work hard.

Catholicism: Shit Happens, I deserve it.

7th Day Adventist:Shit happens on Saturday.

Mormonism: Knock Knock, Shit Happens.

Judaism: Why does shit happen to me?

Krishnaism: Shit happens, ring a dingy ding.

Jehovah's Witness:People now living will see shit happen.

Paganism: Each shit has its own name.

Atheism: Bullshit!
by supergub August 08, 2009
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When something happens that is usually perceived as bad or derogatory, and a friend attempts to placate the other with a single phrase
Jerry: Hey man, im dealing with some heavy stuff right now.
Timothy: shit happens.
by Deathmonger72 October 18, 2017
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Hard time, bad luck, broke, poor, death, feel like dying but won’t, starving, near tragedy, gone to hell in a hand basket.
I can’t afford the rent increase, my kids got the flu, we're hungry and have no food , looking for a job is hard being permanently disabled no one will hire me and we are about to literally be HOMELESS for the first time ever, but hey, shit happens .
via giphy
by Río Bravó January 22, 2018
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