A formal ratio calculated that measures gaseous emissions at varying phases of needing to take a
shit, postulating that the more imminent the turd, the higher the volume and
rate of concurrent
farting.
My
father explained that during the process of the massive turd being passed, his
lab assistant calculated the “imminent poop to poot ratio” and concluded that the ratio obtained had in fact accurately predicted both the proximity of the exiting turd to the
rectum as well as estimating its unorthodox, gargantuan size, by measuring the flatus emitted.