Sasturbation 

Is the process of heating a hand towel with a little water in the microwave and proceeding too fuck it

"The girlfriend wasn't giving up the pussy so I sasturbated instead."
" Man i hate when sasturbation keeps me up all night"

Sasturbation by Mohammed Twain May 14, 2013

Complete global saturation 

Something cool supervillains who wear sunglasses and have David Bowie accents strive to achieve. May or may not be said with long pauses between each word, followed by a deep breath. Typically foiled by those pricks from the BSAA.

Uruboros will be released into the atmosphere, ensuring complete global saturation.

*Deep breath*

Complete global saturation by Rusty Was Here May 2, 2009

Comedic Masturbation 

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.

My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.

Comedic Masturbation by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016

Pasturbation 

Obsessively romanticizing the past.

Mad Men is great TV, if you're into pasturbation.

Pasturbation by fraying August 31, 2010

Bureaucratic Masturbation 

noun - 1. Engaging in any activity for the sake of making one feel better about themselves, their organization, or their company without actually accomplishing anything. 2. Holding meetings to provide recommendations only to have management do what they wanted in the first place. 3. Holding special work group meetings to make the 'little people' feel ownership, when the decision has already been made by higher levels of management.

My boss has picked me to suffer through more Bureaucratic Masturbation, representing the department on a policy work group.
I spent the last 3 months researching the best candidate for the position and the Boss picked his pet employee anyway. God I hat Bureaucratic Masturbation!

Bureaucratic Masturbation by Bill Koogler January 17, 2008

Masturbation guilt 

The sense of guilt you feel post-masturbation when you realized what you have just jerked yourself off to.

"Oh God, what have I done? I did not just masturbate to bestiality.. talk about masturbation guilt.

Masturbation guilt by GunaDK January 19, 2012

Public Masturbation 

The reason I am no longer allowed on public transportation.

I definitely should not have participated in Public masturbation on that subway.

Public Masturbation by thepseudonymousbosch February 21, 2017