today

broken english

I don't understand you today.

by Krkič January 22, 2020

today's

When you take a woman you impregnated the night before, take her fetus and show it today’s new light by ripping her fetus out of her yeast filled stomach and thrusting it into the air and saying simba everything the light touches is our kingdom before promptly throwing it into the trash can.

Jim did today's with Christina.

by Changa of Chimmies October 9, 2019

today

A day that you would not be famous or be known for anything... unless you that kid.

Human 1: What is today?
Human 2: It mean you ain't famous unless you that person.

by GamerFUN November 1, 2019

Today

Is a wonderful day. Not yesterday, not tomorrow and definitely not the day after.

“Today is a wonderful day!”

by yindi December 4, 2019

Today

Its 2 days before the day after tomorrow.

"I should probably feed the kids in my basement today"

by OgreTheSober January 23, 2021

Today ur gonna die

When u hear this, RUN BEFORE HE PULLS OUT HIS GUNNN!

Person one: Today ur gonna die, say goodnight!
Person two: (Nothing) Bc Their DEAD

by QuaterX3 June 20, 2023

Not today heifer

When you feel pulled into other people's drama, you might think this.

Not today heifer, not my pasture, not my problem.

by Westsideisbestside August 4, 2022