a long knife, used for hacking your way through the jungle. also the most awesome zombie killing tool ever.
Shit, theres zombies outside. wheres my machete
by ltdelicious May 03, 2009
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A knife with a handle longer than most blades, and a thin, long, staight-edged blade. Used for hacking away at foliage in front of the weilder.
Hello, my name is Jason Vorhees, I wear a hockey mask, and I am a machete-killer addict
by Gumba Gumba April 12, 2004
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Machete is the most bad ass movie ever created. It is about Machete, and ex-Federale who is a legend to all Mexican-Americans, being betrayed by a company who hired him off of the street to assassinate Senator John McLaughlin. All out war is declared and Machete's Mexican-American army kick some fucking balls off. Also includes Lyndsay Lohan's tits.
Guy 1-Dude! Did you see Machete?

Guy 2- Hell ya! I jerked off so hard to Lindsay Lohan's tits!
by skown February 18, 2011
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Something you pull on 10 guys wanting to jump you in the parking lot of a BP. Usually with an 18 inch blade and a thick hard plastic handle.
*Van pulls up and a gaggle of people jump out*
Jesse: Are you the fuckers I am supposed to whip the shit out of?
Me: HEY! Fuck you guys you are bringing 10 guys?!!? Well, this makes it even Jesse, Me, and this machete
*Van pulls away with quite a quickness*
by P. Kaltenbach January 11, 2008
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A chunk of sharp metal fitted with a handle that would cause any poor bastard a world of pain
did you know jason has a machete
by RET September 21, 2004
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After the act of either anal sex, vaginal sex, behind the knee sex, and/or being BLOWN, the man removes his penis and with a slashing motion, during the release of his baby yogurt, slaps the female continuously across the facial area. This creates a flowing stream of white goodness that showers the females face. The man also has the option of screaming "Machete" as he is bringing down the cum hammer.
Dude, I got pissed at your mom yesterday so I went ahead and gave her a Machete. She then had the biscuits to say that she wanted another. Dude, your mom loves the cock!
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