libergenda 

A term meaning conspiracy that causes an overtly irrational fear of humanistic advancement. However, no such conspiracy actually exist.

The resulting irrational behavior effects roughly 25% of a given population, with the majority of those being conservatively minded. When excessive exposure to the term is imminent, those susceptible to its effects can protect themselves with the application of a tin foil cranial barrier, rubber boots and a safety pin, (American made boots provide better protection). Under certain circumstances no protection can be afforded resulting in a condition known as libergenditis. A list of those that may be susceptible follows.

If you engage in, are a member of or can answer yes to at least three questions on the following list, you are susceptible and may be at risk of contracting libergenditis. Be sure to answer truthfully, as the computer will know if you are lying or not. If you are not sure, check with the pastor of your local parish, return and then continue. If you are still not sure, skip to the next question:

1. NRA
2. Tea Party
3. Republican
4. Do you watch Fox News?
5. Do you have home-schooled child/children?
6. Have you attended a town hall meeting?
7. Do you know what the 700 club is?
8. Is Chuck Norris awesome?
9. Is McGuyver Awesome?
9. Dolly Pardon, Daisy Duke or Pamala Anderson?
(For question 9. Circle Yes or No, a grease pencil will suffice. Warning: Do Not Use A Sharpie!)
10. Do you now or have you ever attended church during a weekday?
11. Were the words used in this definition of the word libergenda too engaging for you?
12. Did you not understand the above question?
13. Is the number thirteen bad?
14. Beyond reproach, Glen Beck?
15. Beyond reproach, Rush Limbaugh?

Jimbo: "Jeff, whatfer I cant come to them meet'ns in town?"

Jefferson: "I done told you Jimbo... the pastor's gonna be goin over them folks 'libergenda' and them word is to big fer you to undestand.

Jimbo: "auh shucks almignty!"

libergenda by PlanetBJR January 2, 2011

libergenditis 

A condition that affects a subset of roughly 25% of the general population, the majority of which being those individuals that are more conservative in ideology. The root cause is unknown but certain triggers have been identified as a catalyst to its malignancy. Once affected the individual rapidly devolves, displaying an overtly phobic reaction to humanistic advancement causing a great deal of suffering, for themselves, their fellow man and the surrounding environment.

As to the catalyst, the usage of certain words (libergenda, welfare, intellect, Janeane Garofalo, and oddly, Tit Mouse) within a town hall will cause the resulting sound waves to reverberate in a peculiar pattern. When exposed to a republican, the waves will latch onto the frontal lobe resulting in a highly irrational fear of science, artistic expression, literary latitude and an overall reluctance to engage in anything involving thought processes.

Recent studies have shown that when exposed to a tea bagger, without amplification, the unrestricted utterance of these words yield sound waves that bypass the frontal lobe all together and imbed deep within the amygdaloidal body of the brain, causing a nearly irreversible negative synergistic effect resulting in verbal convolution, an abnormal discontinuity in the senses, fidgets, disillusionment, the attempt to render warped reality into actuality, and the sudden ability to create propagandistic signage.

As of yet, no know cure exists, although treatment in the form of higher education has proved to be somewhat effective in reversing the majority of the symptoms. However, a greater barrier to treatment is convincing those afflicted with the condition that help is available and that the stigmatic barriers in accepting their condition and seeking treatment, are themselves a part of the disillusionment.

Jimbo: "What ails ya Jefferson?"

Jefferson: "Doc says I got the 'libergenditis'. Pass me that paint now... I gotta finnish this sign"

Jimbo: "It sure is purdy."

libergenditis by PlanetBJR January 2, 2011