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Cry wank

The ultimate display of self love/loathing, rubbing one out while weeping, superceded only by the ultimate cry wank, involving weeping while wanking, witha cigarette hanging from the mouth and a beer in your free hand.
I was so sad last night all I could do was cry wank.
by Mr C. Wanksalot July 1, 2005
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Cry wank

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time
Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*
by Sad fuck March 25, 2020
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Cry-wank

When you're in a state of woe matched only by your state of arousal and there's only one thing you can do. Such as when you've been split up from a hottie for reasons beyond your - or their - control.
She's gone, but it could never be. A cry-wank's all that's left for me.
by causticSodaKitten May 17, 2017
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Pokey Bum Cry Wank

A thoroughly modern form of vigorous self-pleasure enjoyed by the east London sexual elite.

This wildly popular practice centers around three activities: Poking, Crying and Wanking; and two erogenous zones: the genitals and the anus (cllql. dirty rubber ring, bumlips).

A PBCW aficionado lifts one leg (much like an animal relieving its bladder or a sumo wrestler) and brutally rams the index or 'poking' finger into their rear entrance.

Next, they begin to manhandle their rude bits until they are tumescent. Balance can often prove an issue, which is why many PBCW fans club together and rent ballet practice spaces, using the rails and mirrors for support and guidance.

At this point, the sheer pleasure of the mixed sensations experienced usually produces tears of joy, but a willing PBCW partner can be employed to add Crying - the final element of the activity - by hurling vicious insults at the PBCWer or swiping at their nuts or nipples with a handy kitchen utensil.
Jenny: I'm off to the chiropractor again today.

Joe: Why?

Jenny: Both hands cramped in the middle of a mean Pokey Bum Cry Wank session and I had to open the front door with with my feet and crab-walk to my neighbour's place naked to get help.
by Editor, PBCW TODAY October 28, 2010
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angry cry wank

After an unsuccessful night on the pull. Your return to your bed angry and upset you haven't pulled a girl, whilst wanking and crying
I didn't pull last night, just ended up having an angry cry wank
by Jack Reacharound1234 May 28, 2013
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Cry and Wank

Going to cry, and do something that makes us happy but there's a chance it won't do anything.
Person 1: "I'm going to cry and wank."
Person 2: "Are you alright?"
Person 1: "No."
by tiimos September 11, 2020
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Cry-Wanker

Cry-Wanker: A man who has befriended a large number of attractive women, yet is simply unable to seduce any of them (which in turn causes him to cry whilst masturbating).

Also know as 'a-shoulder-to-cry-on', Cry-Wankers masquerade as 'nice-guys' in order to obtain a female's trust. As a result, Cry-Wankers are perceived to be non-threatening and are allowed close proximity to their 'friends', enabling them to warn said friends of other, more competent males.

Cry-Wankers are often coy and deceptive individuals, who lack the confidence to approach women in an ordinary manor. Due to this, they begrudgingly build long-standing friendship with women, in the hope that their targets will one day view them in a sexual nature. Thus, the Cry-Wanker able to masturbate normally, with a smile upon his face.
Cry-Wanker: It should have been meeeeeeeeee.
by Scouse-Truth November 14, 2011
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