Going to cry, and do something that makes us happy but there's a chance it won't do anything.
Person 1: "I'm going to cry and wank."
Person 2: "Are you alright?"
Person 1: "No."
by tiimos September 11, 2020
The ultimate display of self love/loathing, rubbing one out while weeping, superceded only by the ultimate cry wank, involving weeping while wanking, witha cigarette hanging from the mouth and a beer in your free hand.
I was so sad last night all I could do was cry wank.
by Mr C. Wanksalot June 22, 2005
The act of engaging in masturbation while crying over the loss of a partner. Usually engaged in during or after a breakup, or a rejection, or an affair of the heart which has gone wrong. The point of the crying wank is to 'wank' through the tears of sadness over said loved one.

This act is always accompanied with the sound of "Angels" or "She's The One" - Robbie Williams.
(While tears leak from the eyes) Brett - "I can't believe she left me" -sniff- "If there's somebody... calling me on... she's the one..." (The act of ejaculation follows this.) - A typical crying wank after being rejected by the girl of your dreams.
by Justiciar January 6, 2010
When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time
Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*
by Sad fuck March 25, 2020
When you're in a state of woe matched only by your state of arousal and there's only one thing you can do. Such as when you've been split up from a hottie for reasons beyond your - or their - control.
She's gone, but it could never be. A cry-wank's all that's left for me.
by causticSodaKitten May 17, 2017
1)To weep whilst engaging in self abuse.

2)To masturbate with a lonely tear in your eye whilst listening to your mate ridin' some bird upstairs
"I got dumped last night.. I felt so shitty that I went home in the rain and had a crying wank on the way..."

"Chapín is a crying wank legend!"
by Ray Mitchell May 21, 2006
After an unsuccessful night on the pull. Your return to your bed angry and upset you haven't pulled a girl, whilst wanking and crying
I didn't pull last night, just ended up having an angry cry wank
by Jack Reacharound1234 May 28, 2013