Top definition
Knife, stabbing instrument, or to stab
I'll fucking chiv ya

I'll stick a chiv in your neck
by waller February 28, 2008
Get the mug
Get a chiv mug for your fish Jerry.
1. Discusting Chav.

2. Very Cute Small Animal... Like A Kitten Of Some Sort.

3. A State Of Unenthusiasticness... "Meh, Feeling A Bit Chiv Today"

Person: i'd of like killed the fat chiv with my words-- haha

chiv! hahaha i mean chav xD

2. 'Awww how cute, he's so small, and chiv'

3. "Meh, Feeling A Bit Chiv Today"
by Liim and Miim July 25, 2009
Get the mug
Get a Chiv mug for your dad Paul.
1.(Pronounced 'Shiv') An extremely annoying and morbidly obese for their small height varient of the human race.
Although Physically retarded Chivs are almost human and many have mastered the fine arts of 'speaking' and 'walking upright' (although Chivs cannot walk more than 20 meters under any 20 minute period due to their weak french - this is explained later - limbs and obesity).
The first Chivs are believed to have been formed by the mating of beast with man (Generally Pigs.)The Chiv tends to have a voice that is higher pitched than an 8 year old homosexual Australian, which has lead experts to believe that no matter what age the Chiv is, they have not experience puberty and probably never will.
Chivs Generally tend to descend from France which experts believe is the reason behind their Gayness and overall annoyingness. however, The Chiv will almost always deny any links to being French, regardless of evidence provided in the form of their Inbred like looks, extreme weakness despite their bodyweight, and tendency to surrender extremely quickly in any argument, fight etc.
Although physically retarded, Chivs are - in general fairly smart - this has lead in some cases to Chivs being mistaken for normal but ugly human beings who are thought to be like they are because of some sort of birth defect.
Chivs that have managed to infiltrate normal human society are known as 'That fat retard' or 'FR Chivs' for short (This further proves that Chivs originate from France - 'FR'ance).
Despite their intelligence and best efforts of hiding their identity there are two telltale signs that somone in your society may be one of these slippery little twats.

(1) The Suspected Chiv/Human will dress themselves from head to toe in sportswear.(e.g tracksuits, trainers etc)
the sportswear should be unnessecarily expensive (e.g ยฃ80 running shoes) despite the fact that the Chiv is incapable of running or any other excersize for more than 15 seconds. It is thought that the FR's dress themmselves in this way in as an attempt to disguise the fact that they are a fat, lazy cunt.

(2)Underdeveloped Penis/Chode/Lack of Pubic hair.
It is Suggested by experts that Chivs do not experience Puberty, therefore any 'human' male over the age of 11 who has a non existant penis (shorter than 0.3" or just unable to look at without the use of a microscope), a penis that fits the description of a chode or just has no visible pubic/bodily hairs (allowing a margin of error on ginger people due to the elusive 'ginger pube' or ginger pubes)

Chivs are generally thought of as a nuisance/danger to human society and have therefore been outlawed from areas populated by humans by the British government. Suspected FR's are dealt with using lethal injections to make sure that they do not spread their French Communist ideals among innocent members of the British Public.

In the event that you encounter somone who matches the above criteria DO NOT attempt to apprehend the suspected
FR, an exposed FR or EFR for short is extremely dangerous and anyone confronting the Chiv with their Communist Surrendering ways is in severe danger of being dry humped* by the little prick. Instead you should call the government specialists who are trained** to deal with these little buggers.

*due to the fact that Chivs have sexual organs retarded to the point that they are unusable Chivs can not perform the act of sexual intercourse (not that they would be able to anyway as they are annoying and ugly) this means that Chivs cannot reproduce and therefore only 1 generation of Chiv lives at a time.

**Due to their French heritage the Chiv is extremely cowardly when faced with any kind of threat so this highly trained government force will pull toy guns on the Chiv who will immediately surrender like a little bitch. this method should not be attempted by civilians as if the Chiv finds that the weapon is false they will bombard innocent people nearby with their annoying voice and do very shit impressions of jokes that were not funny in the first place e.g. 'Hammy the hamster'. In the event of Finding an FR Chiv dial this simple number : 9903 768 915 395 324 Which will put you through to the 'Frog bashers' - the special division of the army trained to deal with the threat of French Pig/Men.

2. A poor excuse for a human being who everybody loves to hate, Who is rightly subjected to being called a cunt by complete strangers Usually of French heritage.
1. Innocent British Civilian: "That fat retarded Kid has no pubes!, he must be an FR"

FR Chiv (Speaking in a Greasy French accent and panting from the 2 meters he has just walked): *Extremely bad impression of 'Hammy the Hamster'*

Innocent British Civilian: "PLEASE STOP !!!! YOU ARE MURDERING A JOKE THAT WAS NEVER FUNNY. *hides a chocolate bar underneath his shirt and pretends its a gun* ILL SHOOT YOU YOU DAMN COMMIE!!"

FR Chiv: "Non! I Surrendurre! please do not harm me i will kiss your shoes monsuer!

Innocent Bystander: This would have been a lot easier if somone had dialed 9903 768 915 395 324 its so simple to remember. once again that number was 9903 768 915 395 324.

2. *a short, obese, frenchman enters a cafe.*

Man to Waiter:
"I will auve 7 sausueges, 20 snails and 50 frogs legs"

Waiter: *Smacks the man round the face with a fish* "Fuck off you chiv we dont serve that kind of food here."

Everyone in Cafe: "Twat!"
by King Biscuit of England July 10, 2008
Get the mug
Get a Chiv mug for your dog Abdul.
A fool that i know who is also known as yellow, merf, martyn, chav, cock nose the list goes on. He plays 4 WBHC although he's not very good :P, yet he still managed to score more goals than me this season!!! Cheer up chivs we won the league!! woo!!
I'm probably gonna get fined 4 this def arent I!!!
The only reason i made this def so negative is cause u showed the last 1 i made 2 tolley!!!
Merf scored a sitter again :):):):)
Im bored!!
by KingEdgar April 19, 2005
Get the mug
Get a Chivs mug for your brother Josรฉ.