A BattyMatty is a curious creature, mostly land dwelling, but known to be attracted towards
bright disco lights, where he will '
Shake Wiggle Wiggle' until forced to leave.
There is only one identified species of BattyMatty, and to
date, no females have been identified. They are presumed to be shy.
BattyMatty's often appear to possess Cherub like qualities, which act as a sort of camouflage to lure unsuspecting females to the seedy BattyMatty way of life. From time to time, BattyMatty's will persuade a
female to dress like a schoolgirl, and rumour has it, the schoolgirl is often 'naughty'.
Despite their outgoing nature when music is playing and lights are flickering, in daylight, BattyMatty's prefer to remain withdrawn, often seeking refuge behind a PC monitor where
humans cannot see them from their allocated seating positions, and instead are forced resort to speculating about their movements. There have been unsubstantiated claims that between the hours of 12-2pm they like to
eat a rabbit food like mixture of lettuce and such like, occasionally sprinkling in
broken Wheeties to create a cruton like effect.
While this 'cruton-creation'
may at first appear a stroke of
genius, this is not a claim often aimed at the BattyMatty's, who often send incoherent emails, and are incapable of providing details when completing an 'Accident Report Phase 2 - Follow Up' Document. They are also unable to spell. At all.
Despite these shortcomings, the BattyMatty's merily
trot through life, with a
spring in their step, and newly toned biceps, due to a pleasant outlook on life which leaves them safe in the
knowledge that their existence is beneficial to the office eco-system in which they habitually reside.
BattyMatty's - We salute you.
'Awww, aint he lovely, what a BattyMatty'
'Its nice at my work, we've got a BattyMatty'
'For Gawds sake, why cant BattyMatty spell!'
'BattyMatty, this email makes as much sense as a drunken
chinese man speaking Arabic'
'BattyMatty - you've gotta leave the club now, yes you can shake
ya thing in the taxi'
'I
love our BattyMatty, but Gareth's better'
