"You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground." Illustrate with a pen and paper drawing a circle and a cracked circle. Now ask which is your ass and which is the hole in the ground. Subject points to cracked circle and you mock while pointing to their real derriere.
After listening to untruthful gibberish, you say to person, "you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground."
Cigarette: Northern slang for a cigarette, used oft by mashed up mancunian ravers becasue of the resemblance of a hot(electric)stove to the end of a lit cigarette. Originated circa 1991 in the early halcyon days of the rave culture; we speculate during a drug fuelled hallucination by said manc.
'fuck me noel, i am bolloxed, is that a ciggy in your mouth, or the stove from me 'nans kitchen'/
General use: 'Give us a stove you cunt'