A child that is born to unwed parents who eventually get married.
Jane was a bastard until she was flower girl at her parents wedding last week; she is now a humphrey.
by Joel Rodriguez March 16, 2007
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Who the fuck actually names their kid Humphrey. That nigga can't be real.
Dad: Why the fuck did i call you Humphrey
Son: I cant get no pussy with a name like this wtf
by nothumphrey September 12, 2018
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Why do you hate me, mom? You had me in your fucking stomach for nine goddamn months, and you think that you're gonna name me after some dumb bitch grandpa that died 12 years before I was born? The fuck is wrong with you? I was made fun of for years because you named me fucking HUMPHREY!!!

FUCK YOU!! I WAS TORTURED THROUGHOUT SCHOOL BUT I NEVER TOLD YOU CAUSE YOU WOULD'VE LOOKED AT ME AND TOLD ME TO GO SUCK MY OWN DICK CAUSE THAT IS JUST WHO YOU ARE, YOU FAT FUCK!

NO WONDER DAD LEFT YOU WHEN I WAS 3!

FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!

B I T C H
Nurse: "aww, hes beautful! What are you gonna name him?"
Woman(chainsmoking and drinking a martini): "Ahaeopwiowefgf3y....... humphrey hehehehe what a dumbass name lol"
by Humphrey Jones Has a small dic January 03, 2019
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Humphrey, as in Bogart, is another term for someone who is holding onto a joint, pipe, bong, or any other means of smoking marijuana while others are waiting to take a hit.
"Come on Humphrey...pass it then you can keep talking."
by Jenn Regan June 22, 2006
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A unique and versatile word to describe male genitals, suspicious packages from Big Sausage Pizza, and cockerels.
Uh-oh! My humphrey is hard again.”
“Wtf? I’m a guy. I have a humphrey.”
“I’ve got a jolly good humphrey down there.”
by sodium!! December 12, 2019
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Someone who is just a complete and utter soppy bastard and does regular Facebook updates explaining how shit their life is, often saying FML.
that new boy jack just sits In the corner listening to depressive music with his head on his knees.... What a Humphrey.
by youuglybastard June 21, 2011
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A loving, confident, kind, handsome, smart and patience soul whose capacity for love is endless.

If you are lucky enough to find a Humphrey- he is a keeper- he gives amazing head scratches, loves a good massage, is a chess master, acts like a cat at times and enjoys looking at and having beautiful things.

He is a good friend and a great lover- he strives for perfection in every aspect of his life but is patience and kind to his girlfriend - he has a special smile that only she will ever get to see.

All in all- Humphrey is the perfect boyfriend.
I need to find a Humphrey!

Wow what a Humphrey!

Damn....that’s Humphrey... my amazing boyfriend.
by Yelenatran96 September 08, 2018
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