Because they pay a fortune to share a one bedroom apartment with Craigslist dipshits, buy 15 dollar martinis and 5 dollar coffees, expensive shoes, clothes or “
man bags,” many of the younger denizens of Manhattan are usually broke. Because of their penury, which they are loath to admit, this group
will turn to free or very inexpensive events to kid themselves that they're having a good time living in the overly expensive and neurotic shithole they call home.
Use of websites like Group On and Meetup is common. When a free venue is found (Free days at the museum, gratis concerts, movies and plays in the park, esoteric bullshsit lectures) they
will turn into shuffling zombies, pack these venues to the rafters and squash any bit of fun you might have by inducing claustrophobia or
annoying you with their "Got to crowd every little bit of experience into my fabulous
life"
insanity. When you see these
people waiting on lines a block long they look like something out of a George Romero film.
Shooting these zombies though the
head, although the preferred zombie eradication method,
will usually lead to incarceration in a penal institution. Avoidance is the best tactic. And the only way to steer clear of Manhattan Free Shit Zombies is to go to events and venues that charge a fee. Any event with a price
tag of over twenty dollars is usually sufficient to repel them.
Dylan – “Say, you want to go to the Guggenheim and check out the new exhibit? They don’t charge admission on Sunday night.”
Roger – “Fuck that shit. The place
will be crawling with Manhattan Free Shit Zombies. Lets go have dinner at a nice restaurant instead. They can’t afford that."
Sally – “Want to go to Governor’s Island and catch that free reggae concert?”
Hilary – “Free shit. Must have…….”
