You're such a simonist.

Someone who believes in retarded principles, encourages eating large amounts of fast food, and is really dumb and retarded in every way, also they are fat.

Fred: Dude that kid Jake is such a simonist, he ate four entire steaks at lunch.
Simon: I know I hate him.
Jake: Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Fred: Gah You're such a simonist.