you are the father 

A sentence that can be heard on the mind-numbing Maury Povich show, which is a show that I watch every day after school but won't admit it.
This sentence is used usually after some ugly black woman is crying because she slept around with 15 guys and got pregnant and now she doesn't know her baby's father is.

LaShoniqua: Ah am 125% sure he is mah baby's daddy. (Sobs moronically)
Maury: Why do you think he refuses to admit he's the father?
LaShoniqua: (Eyes suddenly bug out, angry) Because he do wanna be ah man, he don'wan' da reszponzibility!
He needs to step up and be a man, and take care of his child!!
Drey: I think LaShoniqua is a hoe. She sleep wit everyone.
Maury: When it comes to 4-month-old Naziqua, you are the father.
LaShoniqua: (Leaps up from chair, begins barking into Drey's face as he walks off stage, PO'd.

you are the father by WhoWEF May 13, 2005

you are the father 

1) A phrase commonly said by Maury Povich on his syndicated talk show, in episodes where paternity tests take place. 2) The four most dreaded words to a single male.

When it comes to two year-old Chase... Bobby, you are the father.

you are the father by LudwigVan November 11, 2003

you are the father 

People who have no job and sit around all day watching daytime 'reality' talk shows such as Maury Povich, etc.

You know Steve?

Yeah, why?

Oh he finally got a job.

Why was he 'You are the father'?

Yeah like all day long bro..

you are the father by 1948ers December 27, 2011

you are not the father 

The opposite of you are the father. Meaning a male is not the biological father of a child.

Most often also heard on the Maury Show, when the girl who was banging 16 different guys at the time she got pregnant has no idea who her baby daddy is.

Unlike its counterpart, the words every guy wants to hear if they had sex with some of the nasty ho's on there.

Denise, a 17 year old mother of Shantell, is 1000% sure Elron is the father of the little girl. Elron has stated 'Dat baby don' look nutin' like me' and 'Dat girl iz a hoe!" while Denise screams at him to 'Be a man!' and "Step up to yo' responsibilitays!" Maury holds the envelope-

"When it comes to the case of 2-year old Shantell, Elron...you are NOT the father!"

*Elron then stands up overjoyed and elated, and calls Denise a hoe, slut, and bitch or other similar words as she runs off crying. Elron then whoops it up with the crowd while Denise screams in agony

you are not the father by ACG2x September 8, 2004

You are not the father 

The words that every man loves to hear!

Maury: I hold in my hand the results to the paternity test and...

Cole: *sweating*

Maury: Cole You are not the father!

Cole: I told you bitch I wasn't!

You are not the father by Ari Shaffir September 25, 2011

You are NOT the father 

If you are on the Maury show, and as your head is producing a shower of sweat, to hear those words is like dodging a bullet Maxtrix style. You gloat and probably dance around while that hoe breaks down in tears and runs off to the backstage area to cry harder and sometimes louder.

"In the case of 7th month old child Shauna, Jason, you are NOT the father."

*She breaks down in tears and runs off backstage while Jason does a Michael Jackson impersonation and yells, "THE KID IS NOT MY SON!!!"*

You are NOT the father by Royal_Defense710 October 18, 2014

My father and mother only beat me with materials and objects, you are lucky you that you get the empty hands: The First Juvenile Release 

What I call homo-sapiens who are addicted to perianal abscesses.

Person 1: Are you addicted to perianal abscesses?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: My father and mother only beat me with materials and objects, you are lucky you that you get the empty hands: The First Juvenile Release

My father and mother only beat me with materials and objects, you are lucky you that you get the empty hands: The First Juvenile Release by Theusurpedmammarygland February 4, 2025