Vortex Syndrome 

After a night of heavy drinking, late night eating and smoking cigarettes the following morning one wakes up, drinks some coffee and inevitably craps really really badly. The Vortex Syndrome occurs when crapping and being hung over one puts one's head in one's hands to assuage the headache yet in turn moves one's nose closer to one's anus. At this point the stink from the shit one is taking violently wafts upward out of the bowl consequently hitting one directly in the face, usually while one is taking deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Side effects of the Vortex Syndrome always include violent ralphing (throwing up), intense head and stomach ache and fierce, pathetic crying.

Mr. Andrews (on telephone): Hey, Alf? It's your boss, Mr. Andrews, I've noticed you're not at your desk and it's half past 10, is everything all right?
Alf: Absolutely not, I had the Vortex Syndrome this morning. I can't stop crying.
Mr. Andrews:.......Daaammmnn.

Vortex Syndrome by Laevsky March 13, 2008