Umberto's 

Also known as "Scumbertos", it is the home of Silvio and extremely shitty pizza, with your choice of topping including dirty toenails, pubic hair, or Silvio's nasty saliva. They also have the peutrid garlic puffs, made of absolute grease. And as you wait for your meal, take your time to read the crappy poem of the world's shittiest garlic puffs, you might find that you lose your appetite immediatly and/or just shake your head. You will find that not only kids eat here for going out to lunch, but you will also find lazy workers who seek a time off from there horrible job. Ask Silvio's great assistant (If you are unable to identify him, he's the one who hasn't shaved for a week and has a grey comb over, greasy shirt, and terrible accent) for anything and listen for the abnoxious "TWO PUFF" no matter what you order. If you would like to come here, come to Fair Haven and you will spot it right next to the fake shitty Number 1 Chinese.

Andrew: Where do you want to go out to lunch today?
Alex: Yo, let's hit Umberto's, and wolf down some shitty Garlic Puffs.

Umberto's by Saint Seer April 6, 2008