Torch cricket
Torch cricket (noun): A person who repeatedly attempts to light a torch that absolutely refuses to cooperate, yet remains convinced that attempt number 47 will be the one.
Derived from the cricket-like ritual of click-click-click… nothing… click-click-click… still nothing.
Common symptoms include:
* Shaking the torch as though this will restore its will to live.
* Staring directly into the nozzle after every failed attempt.
* Saying, “It was just working.”
* Trying the exact same thing again with increasing determination.
* Refusing another torch because “I’ve almost got it.”
Scientific name: Ignitus clickus persistentus.
Derived from the cricket-like ritual of click-click-click… nothing… click-click-click… still nothing.
Common symptoms include:
* Shaking the torch as though this will restore its will to live.
* Staring directly into the nozzle after every failed attempt.
* Saying, “It was just working.”
* Trying the exact same thing again with increasing determination.
* Refusing another torch because “I’ve almost got it.”
Scientific name: Ignitus clickus persistentus.
Dude, quit being a torch cricket. You’ve been clicking that thing for five minutes. The torch has made its decision.
Torch cricket by seabassbasenjis August 22, 2026
