Platonic blowjob 

The platonic idea of love is non-physical, so there’s a natural irony in this kind of thing. The word platonic with the word blowjob is automatically an oxymoron. So, the platonic blowjob is a particular kind of act between two people who claim to be friends yet are sexually dependant on one and other (either by desire or sudden necessity). In other words, it’s a kind of booty call where one sucks the cock of the other to save or strengthen the friendship.

Amy: What do you think are the political ramifications of China switching to nuclear power?
Mj: Hey, Amy, I’m sorry but I’m too horny too listen. I think I’m going to have to booty call my ex or hit on that pig drinking by herself over by the pool table.
Amy: No, don’t leave me alone.
Well, then what?
I have an idea! I’ll give you a platonic blowjob!
(Amy drops to her knees in front of MJ mphhhphh mphph mphphphhphhhhhh)
Ah, thanks. I think that China modernizing to all nuclear reactors will have a profound impact on the price of oil. It will drop . . .
(an example of a friendship saved by the Platonic Blowjob)

John: Are you dating Amy?
MJ: No, I like drinking with her.
John: Aha. She's been giving you platonic blowjobs, hasn't she? What a pig!

Platonic blowjob by Pigslut Master March 16, 2008

Platonic Blowjob 

An act of fellatio given as a non-sexual reward for accomplishing a difficult task. The reason for fellatio rather than a material reward stems from the absolute truth that fellatio is awesome. It is generally reserved for monumental feats of accomplishment - ex. landing a major client account in record time, where the potential client was leaning away from ones firm.

This blowjob is non-sexual. No attraction need (or should) exist between the giver and receiver. Receipt or gift of a PBJ is not considered homosexual if given between males, but ONLY if the PBJ is given for a legitimately monumental achievement.

Jerry: I landed the VCorp account overnight - and they were even thinking of going with the other guys!
Rob: Jerry, that's amazing. We've had sales team after sales team tell us that account was impossible! And I just assigned it to you three days ago! Tell you what, meet me in my office. You've earned a Platonic Blowjob!

Alice: Tim, I can't believe you were able to complete the entire backup automation in two hours. It even tags changes and encrypts everything! Tomorrow morning, I'll see you in your cube for a PBJ.

Platonic Blowjob by ffoodd October 13, 2009

plutonic blow job 

When your platonic friend gives you a blow job and its the better than you anything you could imagine. You never knew blow jobs that good were out in the universe, and you doubted they really exist, much like the planet Pluto.

JB: Damn, I got a plutonic blow job the other day from Emily, it was fucking amazing!
Alex: You're so lucky, bro!

plutonic blow job by ohheykittykitty July 24, 2019