Mojang Support

Mojang Support, also known as Minecraft Support, is one of the worst customer services you will ever find out there for a multibillion company like Mojang. With a response time of many weeks to even months and useless, lazy, POS that can't even do their job as support agents, they are an absolute disgrace to Minecraft and Microsoft.

If you do actually get a response from these assholes, they will almost always try to come up with an excuse not to help you with your Java account related issue, claiming their policy doesn't allow whatever you specifically asked them to do, even if the official website says otherwise. Because of this, people deliberately resubmit their support tickets hoping to get a reply from a different representative that actually has a brain and can understand English, which isn't always feasible given the long response time and the large number of incompetent idiots with account administration tools that Mojang is paying to do nothing but give canned responses...

Example 1:
Player: My account got hacked into, please help me recover it!
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Please locate your Transaction ID from 10 years ago and provide a long list of information that you most likely don't have, and then we might help you!
Player: I finally got everything you asked for, can you help me now?
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but for security reasons I am not going to touch your account!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*

Example 2:
Player: One of my past usernames has my real life full name in it, it is personally identifiable information and because name history is public, I would like to have that particular name removed! The website says you remove usernames in such cases, if they contain personally identifiable info.
*Two months later*
Mojang Support: Sorry for the inconvenience, but we can only remove past usernames if they contain a full first and last name!
*Support Agent closes the ticket without notifying the player or sending a "Rate Our Support email"*
Player: Can you even read what I said 8 weeks ago, you stupid fucking dumbass? This is a serious issue!
*Player submits the ticket again and hopes to get a reply from another support agent by the next month*

Mojang Support by 14142 February 18, 2021

Mojang Support

A tumor slowly growing within Mojang Studios and an absolute disgrace to the gaming industry as a whole. Those who work at Mojang Support are stupid idiots not capable of anything and are just there to receive money from Mojang for doing little to no work. The response time is unacceptable, often lasting for months, and you are very likely to have your ticket ignored and silently closed in the process. If you do get a response, you will usually be assigned to a trash support rep that will pretend not to understand your issue and provide useless canned responses instead. Due to their incompetence and lack of ability to read and understand an email, it is impossible to reason or argue with any of them and they might just close the ticket as resolved. These people also like to use pseudonyms to refer to themselves as they don't have the balls to use their actual name in the ticket. I wonder why...

Please share this page with as many people as you can. The Minecraft community deserves to know that the product they are paying for comes with no customer support!

Player 1: I just contacted Mojang Support. When will I hear back from them?
Player 2: Mojang Support? You are more likely to hear back from Santa Claus instead!
Player 3: Fuck Mojang Support! Their whole crew can suck my dick!

Mojang Support by 14142 March 29, 2021

jerb 

well known from south park
rednecks get angrry that future folk took there jobs so they yell
They took ouare jerbs!

Them future folk took ouare jerbs!

jerb by Jimberley Kim April 7, 2005

Cheeks 

An Irish phrase meaning shit, derived from ass
(Not to be confused with the literal description of one's buttocks)

"Did you hear the song Aylek$ dropped?"
"Hardly. Her music is absolute cheeks."

"My boyfriend say LaFlame is cheeks."
"Tell your boyfriend I said it's his mixtape that's cheeks."

Cheeks by thecartisan April 26, 2020

sans sheriff 

Lawless use of fonts or typography, with no regard to aesthetics or legibility

I'm putting this CV straight in the bin. Written totally sans sheriff.

sans sheriff by Jamarley July 3, 2019

Breadhead 

Someone who is addicted to obtaining money and building wealth. A money addict and fanatic. Breadheads often work more than one full-time job, and some even participate in illicit activities to "obtain the bread".

A breadhead is like a crackhead, but for money instead of crack.

Breadhead by 🅱️ U S 3 4 8 March 30, 2022

Stink lines

As seen in illustrations or cartoons: Wavy, vertical lines rising above a person, place or thing. Denotes a foul odor.

"You didn't put enough stink lines on your picture of the teacher."

Stink lines by Athene Airheart March 14, 2004