According to Hoosier folktales, a Kearney is,

"The coolest girl ever who doesn't have to show off because everyone knows she's awesome."

This myth has since been disproved. A Kearney is an instrument used to snort Wasabi.
Guy 1: Dude, bring the Kearney tonight?

Guy 2: The cool girl?

Guy 1: No, man, you believe in those stories?? The Wasabi snorter.
by Tigerprincess October 31, 2010
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A beautiful person. She’s a sister to some and a friend to most. She brings light into your life. She might be shy in the beginning but once you get to know her she’s a beautiful ,wild, funny,& courageous Angel sent from the God above. Now if you find a Kearney, you keep her close to your heart and treat her well. She’s special and a blessing to all how meet her.
“Hey there Kearney! I hope your having a great day !”
I am thank you ! You too bye !”
by HAPpy unicorn luver June 16, 2019
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A person who is usually bald and has a pencil dick. Usually like the army, and tends to have big bear knives lying around every room of the house.
Oh i went to see Kearney yesterday, he was playing darts with his bear knives, he got a bulls eye.

I heard this guy opened a condom with a bear knife, must've been Kearney.

Did you see Kearney at the bar last night?
Yea, i think he got a haircut.
No he's just always bald.
by hahacondomopener March 30, 2011
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A Kearney is a type of cunt mostly found in Ireland. Their presence is most prevelant in areas of Co. Louth in particular.
Kearney's can normally be recognised by a balding crown, usually dotted with small amounts of ungroomed red hair.
They often have poor eyesight and can find sunlight very difficult. Due to this drawback, Kearney's are most active at night, spending their time foraging for discarded tampons, a Kearney's favourite food.
My god would you look at the fucking size of that Kearney!
by armpitofireland July 13, 2009
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To snort wasabi for two dollars.
I got drunk in a sushi bar last night and kearneyed until I cried, but at least I didn't have to pay for dinner.
by Kevin David Wilt Nuut July 23, 2008
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when someone tries to tell a story or explain something without any actual knowledge on the topic to seem intelligent; also, when someone is asked a question and does not know the answer and instead only restates the question with intention to confuse you into thinking that they are impressive.
He don't even know what he sayin'! That dumb kearney!!!
by CHS oh-nine'er February 19, 2009
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(pronounced "carnie")

Verb: To throw out some made up term in a sentence and then adamantly refuse to accept the fact that the word in question is not, in fact, properly used.

Noun: People who like to use random words out of context in which the meaning of the word must be guessed at based solely on the contextual use rather than any accepted definition of the word in question. (for further clarification see the second definition of the term "House" on this site).
I got Kearneyed yesterday. Meg and I went out for Pho and she was talking about "housing" soup. She then made a lame bet and lost a dollar. The next day she went onto some web dictionary and showed me that some 5 people on the planet also share this delusion as to the use of the word. This number is quite a bit smaller though then the number of people who believe that their own cocker spaniel is in fact god so take that for what its worth...
by Chris.Phila July 18, 2005
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