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Sammy Hagar paradox 

First seen in his song entitled "I Can't Drive 55" it describes the notion that it is physically impossible for Sammy Hagar to travel at the speed of 55 mph (miles per hour). No matter what mode of transportation whether it is a car, bike, airplane, etc, it is impossible for him to travel exactly 55 mph. The speedometer on any transportation device that Sammy Hagar occupies will never read the speed of 55 mph. Instead it will skip over 55 mph to 56 mph or 54 mph (depending on whether the vehicle is increasing or deceasing speed). Therefore, it is thought that perhaps Sammy Hagar possess some power that allows him to bend time and space to his will, but only at the speed of 55 mph. This act of bending time and space is currently being researched by Professor Stephen Hawking the British theoretical physicist.
I saw Sammy Hagar today in his car with one foot on the brake and one on the gas and i swear that he couldn't go 55 mph...its that damn Sammy Hagar paradox

When ever Sammy Hagar looks at a 55 mph speed limit sign it spontaneously combust

You can take Sammy Hagar's licence and post his face, wanted dead or alive, but it doesn't matter because he can't drive 55

n00beus Hagrid 

Rubeus Hagrid's n00bish brother who spends his days cultiv8ing pygmy squirrels at his est8 up in h0mie n00bia to exhibit at pygmy squirrel exhibitions. Expert in shanter.
Rubeus Hagrid: heyyo n00beus Hagrid wot've ye up to l8ly?
n00beus hagrid: you know, you know, just cultiv8ing some homie pygmy squirrels
Rubeus Hagrid: n0000000000b that is some shanter

Hagerlife 

A fatty, cuck husband, and son of Grimace. A Michigan superfan. A goddamn waste of space who fears me. Always trying to be fatter than yesterday and dodging flying prison poo. -McD
My Hagerlife is miserable, I have no friends and hide insults on the Internet about real men like a scared prag.
Hagerlife by Brenda Hagerman August 20, 2023

The Instant Hagrid 

Applying superglue to your face before going down on some hairy gash, once removed there lie a glorious beard.
She had such poor personal upkeep that I gave her The Instant Hagrid

I was so appreciative that she didn't shave, because I could achieve The Instant Hagrid

Raped by Hagrid 

When one has such a huge shit it feels like you've just had anal sex with Hagrid for four hours straight.
Sam: Oi Cameron I got Raped by Hagrid yesterday.
Cameron: Damn how long have you held that one in?
Raped by Hagrid by headbanger-69 February 8, 2015

PS1 Hagrid 

The most sexy and beautiful man alive