Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

Functional alcoholic by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

Get merch

Get the Functional alcoholic mug.

See more merch

functional alcoholic

a worthless yet admirable person who can drink everynight and still pull good grades in college or act as a normal person in a work environment.

that bitch drinks every f'n night and made a better grade than me on the test.

Or:
i saw that douche torn up last night and today he acts like mr. super employee. wtf?

functional alcoholic by d May 13, 2005

Get merch

Serial Monogamist

Someone who jumps from one relationship immediately into another one.

Serial monogamists can not stand to be alone and often suffer from vast commitment and insecurity issues.

Because they jump into relationships immediately after the previous one has ended, serial monogamists typically don't take the time to reflect on their behavior or why their previous relationships failed; thus, they end up making the same relationship mistakes over and over again.

Person 1: Damn, Dustin already has a new girlfriend?! It's only been two weeks since he broke up with his fiance! I think he's a sociopath.

Person 2: No, he's a serial monogamist...

Serial Monogamist by Goody2Shuze March 6, 2016

Word of the Day on June 22, 2026

Get merch

liquid lunch

A lunchbreak comprised entirely of alcoholic beverages, and no food.

"With all the lay-offs that morning, it was rough. I hit the bar around the corner for a liquid lunch mid-day."

liquid lunch by Alexandra July 27, 2004

Word of the Day on June 21, 2026

Get merch

dunzo

Dunzo, a slang word for done/finshed. Made famous by the Laguna Beach cast.

This car is so dunzo. (Kristin's car breaks down.)

dunzo by Joey Pellet December 8, 2004

Word of the Day on June 20, 2026

Get merch

ankle biter

Someone or something that bites your ankles.
To a postman, an ankle biter is often known as a dog.
To an adult, an ankle biter may be a toddler.
To hikers, an ankle biter is sometimes a tick.
And so on.

"Dang ankle biter took off my whole leg!!"

ankle biter by the sane maniac February 2, 2004

Word of the Day on June 19, 2026

Get merch

Male Pattern Blindness

When a man will search for hours to find something that is laying out in the open on a table. Items are often easily found by a women.

Man: "I have been searching for hours for keys."
Woman: "You mean the ones sitting there on the coffee table?"
Man: "Where?"
Woman: "Right there in the middle of that table."
Man: "oh, must have been Male Pattern Blindness"

Male Pattern Blindness by diablo581 February 10, 2008

Word of the Day on June 18, 2026

Get merch