Dave's Filing Cabinet

An organizational system so efficient that it inspires feelings previously unknown to the user, including but not limited to admiration, yearning, and the sudden urge to establish a permanent presence in the accounting department.

The Sovereign: "I don't know what's happening to me. I used to want to conquer dimensions. Now I just want to stand near Dave's filing cabinet."
Coworker: "Have you tried talking to someone?"
The Sovereign: "I HAVE TALKED TO SOMEONE. HE SAID IT WAS ON SALE."

Dave's Filing Cabinet by Kyuubinoneko October 14, 2026

Dave's Filing Cabinet

noun | corporate slang | potentially catastrophic

Definition 1:
An exceptionally well-organized filing cabinet belonging to a man named Dave. Notable for its structural integrity, clearly labeled drawers, and inexplicable ability to provoke intense emotional responses from ancient cosmic entities.

Definition 2:
A workplace euphemism of indeterminate meaning, best avoided in professional correspondence, particularly when Dave from Accounting is present.

Definition 3:
An organizational system so efficient that it inspires feelings previously unknown to the user, including but not limited to admiration, yearning, and the sudden urge to establish a permanent presence in the accounting department.

Example:

"How did the quarterly review go?"

"Terribly. The Sovereign spent forty-five minutes complimenting Dave's filing cabinet."

"Oh. Is Dave aware?"

"Dave scheduled a follow-up meeting."

Example:

"I don't know what's happening to me. I used to want to conquer dimensions. Now I just want to stand near Dave's filing cabinet."

"Have you tried talking to someone?"

"I HAVE TALKED TO SOMEONE. HE SAID IT WAS ON SALE."

Dave's Filing Cabinet by Kyuubinoneko October 14, 2026