Verb. A traditional form of masturbation, dating back to ancient times, where one channels his or her memory of a previously successful and pleasurable sexual encounter. Due to the rampant increase in availability of pornography via magazines, movies and the worldwide web, the number of recorded memory cranks per year has dropped by over 86%, although it still flourishes in many third-world countries and the southern United States where access to said improvements in pornographic materials currently remains limited.
"I was in the shower the other day and for whatever reason, I started thinking about that girl Sally I boinked in the shower back in college. Next thing I know, I'm sportin' a chubby and decide to give myself a good, old-fashioned memory crank."
by Kristopher Miller January 25, 2006
that one guy/girl (or if you're REALLY lucky, more than one dopeybot) who (on a full moon, bible study, or whatever delusional crank tweek event is occurring) doses on a ton of methamphetamine and feels the hopelessly insecure need to NOT keep his or her dumb fucking tron-mouth shut.
At first you seem genuinely interested in what these mork's have to say, only to watch these future cia agents spout off inane horseshit after inane horseshit about witchcraft, psychic networks, rocket science 101, left of center but morbidly ignorant self-righteous morality, mommy, militant nazism, hokie good hearted wholesomeness, or they might just be your run of the mill sociopathic sexual deviant doing their sunday best to disguise themselves as your bestest buddy for the night (they will eventually get an even wilder hair and beg you to join them on a fun trip to the porn shop, probably to put on another disguise and talk some more).
the more you get sucked into their silly classic rock mentality and kill them with kindness, the more they kill you with their beady eyes and bad breath. your only hope is to actually have a conversation with a friend who doesnt want to start a new business with you or predict when the aliens will telepathically send us space machine blueprints through tv sets.
those who know what i'm talking about will no doubt relate to this one. and to those who don't, yes it happens and i'm sure, will happen again.
At first you seem genuinely interested in what these mork's have to say, only to watch these future cia agents spout off inane horseshit after inane horseshit about witchcraft, psychic networks, rocket science 101, left of center but morbidly ignorant self-righteous morality, mommy, militant nazism, hokie good hearted wholesomeness, or they might just be your run of the mill sociopathic sexual deviant doing their sunday best to disguise themselves as your bestest buddy for the night (they will eventually get an even wilder hair and beg you to join them on a fun trip to the porn shop, probably to put on another disguise and talk some more).
the more you get sucked into their silly classic rock mentality and kill them with kindness, the more they kill you with their beady eyes and bad breath. your only hope is to actually have a conversation with a friend who doesnt want to start a new business with you or predict when the aliens will telepathically send us space machine blueprints through tv sets.
those who know what i'm talking about will no doubt relate to this one. and to those who don't, yes it happens and i'm sure, will happen again.
friend: hey man, jack is having a party. lets go.
me: really, sounds like a fun couple of nights. no class for me then. thanks fucker
friend: yep, out of the question cheese
*car screaches into driveway almost hitting mailbox*
*walking through doorway entering 10+ people in all of their yap-happiness*
friend: hey man, there's that crank tweek who secretly loves everything.
me: oh its no secret, and i'm using you as my human shield to deflect his god damned mouth bullets.
crank tweek: hey who knows what space chicken occult nasa tron fdkjdso79758927545074059048904³
me: really, sounds like a fun couple of nights. no class for me then. thanks fucker
friend: yep, out of the question cheese
*car screaches into driveway almost hitting mailbox*
*walking through doorway entering 10+ people in all of their yap-happiness*
friend: hey man, there's that crank tweek who secretly loves everything.
me: oh its no secret, and i'm using you as my human shield to deflect his god damned mouth bullets.
crank tweek: hey who knows what space chicken occult nasa tron fdkjdso79758927545074059048904³
by the church of the evacuate dig August 5, 2008
A blanket term for Fortnite, meaning to push out walls in 90-degree turns, mostly to create cover from two sides.
After you're done taking lookout and pressuring your opponent from above, you can go back to cranking 90s.
by FL4ym3Burn December 1, 2019
Picture of a male's erect penis, taken by himself in secret and oftentimes sent to an unsuspecting person in an internet chat room.
So I'm chatting online with what I thought was a hot chick and I asked her for a pic. Instead, some dude sends me a crank shot. What the fuck? You can't even pick up chicks on the internet anymore!
by Larry Tiita April 20, 2009
by T. Wilson December 30, 2008
by Darthbubbaaa April 20, 2019
1. (noun) A promiscuous man who prefers sex with less attractive sexual partners, either of whom may or may not be taking crank.
Ex. 1. "Did you see who our roommate brought home from the club last night? Ugh, he has a good taste in music, but when it comes to women, he is a real crank banger."
Ex. 2. "Check out those chicks that just walked in. I call the ugly one," said the crank banger to his bros while softly stroking his mustache.
Ex. 2. "Check out those chicks that just walked in. I call the ugly one," said the crank banger to his bros while softly stroking his mustache.
by Bongo_Bongo February 9, 2012