Chocowinite

A rare and highly specialized human originating from a place most GPS systems politely pretend not to recognize: Chocowinity, NC. Known for their uncanny ability to give directions using landmarks that no longer exist (“turn where the old Piggly Wiggly used to be”), a Chocowinite thrives on sweet tea, humidity, and the firm belief that “it’s not that far” means anywhere within a 45-minute radius. Often found making themselves comfortable wherever they land—they treat all cities, towns, and surfaces as fair game. Not to be confused with their uppity distant relations, the Washingtikes.

I looked away for two seconds and was shocked to find a Chocowinite, sitting on my jacket and giving me directions again.

by Theislandpoet March 31, 2026