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The closest thing to Texas you are going to get in California. Rent here is one the cheapest in California. Land is very affordable here.

It is an hour and half away from Los Angeles and the Central Coast, and is thirty minutes to an hour away from the mountains.

It's boring as fuck unless you like riding dirtbikes, farms, oilfields, 4-wheeling, going to concerts, shows, the Kern county fair, swimming, drinking, or doing drugs.

High quality Methamphetamine can be found in any trailer park and is a very popular drug of choice here. It has the same air quality as Los Angeles, can get up to 110 degrees during the summer, and has the highest rate of teen pregnancy and STDs in the country.

Girls are hot here but they get around like hula hoops and will get pregnant and have your kids to receive welfare benefits and child support.

Liberty High, Stockdale High, Centennial High, Garces, and Bakersfield High are the best high schools here.

Colleges are Bakersfield College and Cal State University of Bakersfield where Tito Ortiz went to.

Best neighborhoods to live in Bakersfield is in the Northwest and Northeast.

Neighborhoods you want to stay far away from is Oildale and neighborhoods near and/or on Cottonwood road and Martin Luther King Blvd.

Gangs here consist of various sets of Crips that roll deep as fuck claim East Side, country boy Crips on the South Side, and West Side Crips. Bloods are few in number. Peckerwoods are in Oildale.
1.

Dude 1) Man Bakersfield is so boring, Im willing to try smoking meth.

Dude 2). Man I have a piezo at my house. We can get a twenty next door to your house.

Dude 1) I never knew they slanged meth and I never knew you smoked meth.

Dude 2) Dude what do you expect? You live in a trailer park in Oildale.

2.

Dude 1) Man Bakersfield hit 107 degrees today, thank god everybody wants to chill at my chillbox ( pad with bomb ass AC) and smoke meth cuz I have the coldest AC on the block.

Dude 2). Lets cluck your AC for more meth.

Dude 1). Fuck off that AC is my saddle, lets go steal someone's dirtbike instead.

Dude 2) Naw lets go rob a house instead.

Dude 1) I think I need to lay off this dope.

3.

Dude 1). At least Bakersfield has a chill downtown. I can pre-game at the Alley Cat and walk to Rabobank Arena to go see Kottonmouth Kings perform.

Dude 2). Yeah next week they are going to have a monster truck show. Im going there spun as fuck and grab me a tweaker hoe.

Dude 1) You and your fucking meth habit smh.
by NoneOfYourDamnBusiness July 11, 2012
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2
A tweaker-infested, stretched-out town with overbearing heat located in the desert of central California. For having about as gross of nature as Rosie O'Donnell's sweaty crotch, Bakersfield has almost half a million victims to it's polluted, gang-infested shit-hole. It is rumored that once you move there, you never can escape it's magnetic pull, and your life will never reach its full potential.
"I heard that my drug dealer moved to Bakersfield from L.A. Now I have to find a new contact. Shouldn't be too hard."
by Zandroid April 08, 2012
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3
Why trust air you can't see? The unbearable heat during the day adds to deliquency society as people prefer midnight outings and cow-tipping. From gang members to cowboys you will see a variety of "culture" The armpit of California is home to cheap living, suburbia mixed with random farms, and drastically changing geographics every year, as (for some reason) people keep moving there.
"Man it's hot as hell-wait..."
by Courtney April 16, 2005
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4
a really shit place where the air is as clean and pure as paris hilton
bakersfield. why bother?
by this person December 04, 2004
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5
A city in Central California, roughly 150 miles northeast of Los Angeles. It suffers from a lack of culture, backwards politics, and extremely hot temperatures.

It is the definite area at which the zombie apocalypse will begin.
Hick from Oildale: I love Bakersfield. I'm going to live here forever, smoking meth and sitting on my ass all day.

Me: You do that buddy. You're going to be a zombie anyways.
by stayin'dafuckouttabako May 14, 2010
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6
a large city filled with people who have too much town pride for the disgusting shithole they live in. the air can give you lung fungus, and females cannot walk five feet down Union street without being accosted by fat, horny Mexicans in search of a good time. the population continues to grow because of the plentifulness of weed and meth, bringing in at least ten immagrant drug addicts from LA everyday. it's unbearably hot in the summer because this is, indeed, hell, and bitingly cold in the winter because Satan is cheap and never pays the heating bill so PG&E gets pissed and shuts off the heat. if you should ever have the misfortune of coming here, stay far away from Oildale unless you wish to have you nostrils assaulted by the scent of weed and taco meat.
Girl: Hey we're in Bakersfield
Boy: Shit..... I always knew I was going to hell
by istabyoudie April 12, 2011
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