A johnson 

A Johnson is a person who is always there observing, but never part of the action.

i.e:Tim sat there and observed the crazed antics of his buddies running around half naked yelling "YOLO!" and drenching random passerby with buckets of water. The teacher remarked: "Tim's such a Johnson."

A johnson by joshology July 22, 2014

a "Johnson" answer 

When asked a question (any question) to which one thinks you know the answer, the verb to "Johnson" is to waffle, procrastinate and create sufficient bluster so as to fool, create absolute confusion and go off on a tangent, leaving the questioning party stunned and bemused.

To hide your absolute incompetence, or unpreparedness, or lack of understanding/comprehension by spouting totally irrelevant bullshit, including latin or greek which nobody understands, as an answer to a valid and simple question. When said with the unsolicited self-confidence of an expensive Conservative-funded public school education, the "Johnson" answer can be pulled from the bag in absolutely any circumstance.

I asked Boris what he'd like for dinner last night, and i got such a "Johnson" answer, i couldn't remember my name and i'd lost 25 minutes of my life. I felt like i'd been hit by a fucking bus. I do vaguely remember him spouting some shit about the Bermuda Triangle and what happened to Michael Jackson. I won't be doing that again.

a "Johnson" answer by dying_fish September 20, 2020

A Johnson Outboard 

This begins with the lady furiously masturbating her gentleman's penis. At the moment of ejaculation he performs a motorboat maneuver between his good lady's breasts (pushing the breasts together whilst shaking his face between them and slobbering), thus replicating pull starting a johnson outboard on a motorboat.

She had a rack to die for, so I bought her a drink and she gave me a Johnson outboard in the toilets.

A Johnson Outboard by the_bosshog March 15, 2011

Pulling a Johnson 

Pulling a Johnson is a video game term for completing a multiplayer matchmaking game without earning a single kill against the opposing team.

Players that pull a Johnson help their team in absolutely no way. They only ensure defeat for the team, merciless mockery and a cloud of shame for pulling a Johnson.

Damn it Clint you died 20 times and got no kills. Great job pulling a Johnson!

Pulling a Johnson by TurtleMoney April 10, 2021

Hum A Johnson 

The combination of slobbing on a nob and humming one's favorite tune.

"I hum far too much johnson for my own good."

"I have an idea, how about you hum a johnson!"

"I'm gonna go tame that ass."

"I hooked up with a bitch last night."
"Did she hum your johnson?"
"Naw she gave me that gum job cus she had no teef."

Hum A Johnson by POISON DART August 25, 2008

Pulling a Johnson.

Telling Goebbels style massive lies.

He promised to give lots of money but he was just pulling a Johnson.

Pulling a Johnson. by CrazyCatRescueMan September 1, 2019

Doing a Johnson 

Breaking the law, having no regard for the rule of law

The police caught the burglar doing a johnson, as he was arrested while breaking into someone’s property.

Doing a Johnson by Sorbitar September 24, 2019