Lang Wank

A method of masturbation whereby the masturbator uses a traditional one-hand grip on the penis, while inserting the thumb from his other hand up his anus. Due to the slightly uncomfortable positioning, this practice can mean the participant takes a "long"time to complete the wank to satisfaction.

This method was apparently first seen performed in Scotland and in recognition of this, the Scottish word for Long, "Lang" is used.

I just had a lang wank, but boy, my arse is a little tender now and I can no longer bring myself to smell my thumb.

by The Artful Fudger December 13, 2010

Shame wank

When you wank for so long and you have used up all your acceptable wank fantasies. You must then journey to the dark side of the wank, which is full of all the good looking people just too young to go out with in school.

Oh shit, there goes my last valid wank fantasy. I should stop before this turns into a shame wank.

by ShammyDooWop August 23, 2016

Wank in the Bush

When you have an awkward boner and cannot keep it in your pants any longer and there isn't a bathroom near by, so you whip it out and pretend you're taking a piss but secretly wank in the bush.

Dan: "Liam mate are you having a wank in the bush?"
Liam: "Na mate just taking a piss, being holding it in all day!"

by professor oi oi July 29, 2016

wank cycles

Tactically beating one out so you last longer in the sack should you be so lucky later.

Josephina: Wow honey! That was a long one... much more than your usual 45 seconds.
Esteban: Yes, dear. I got my wank cycles back in order today in anticipation of our sexual intercourse encounter this evening. Glad you noticed.

by Handsome_Cat April 19, 2022

Immersive Wank

The act of using noise cancelling headphones to watch pornography while masturbating in order to feel more involved. This can also be levelled up by adding a VR headset.

I had a cheeky immersive wank earlier, it really felt like Cindy was moaning right in front of me; I came so much quicker!

by Cheddar Brie Jealousy December 17, 2019

Medical Wank

The act of masturbating to relieve lovers nuts AKA blue balls

I had to have a medical wank after some heavy petting on the second date with Sharon

by Medical Wanker August 21, 2019

munchausen wank

To grope the ball bag hard at the base and squeeze the penis tight between thumb and forefinger..... shake it without regard .... fast and hard ...

The man was shaking like a leaf after his munchausen wank experience.

by Nighto77 June 16, 2018