Beast wank

The act of spaffing into a carrier bag, 6 or 7 times a day. Usually performed by a spaff beast.

Craig, you spaff beast. Stop having a beast wank into that Sainsbury's bag for life and come for a beer.

by RossMcC March 30, 2011

Alpha Wank

When a male has a wank staring at himself in the mirror, usually accompanied with positive remarks "you're a fuckin good looking bastard"
One would engage in such activities to build confidence within themselves as an alpha and also in the bedroom.

Bro I had the best alpha wank last night, I feel real alpha today from it

by M3n1s January 11, 2022

Ass Wank

When you don't have a penis so you masturbate your anus

Friend 1: Man, I was so horny last night but I don't have a dick :(
Friend 2: You should try ass wanking, it's so good

by Superbankai April 26, 2016

Zombie Wank

The act of a zombie forcibly removing its penis (easily done due to the rotting flesh), and then rapidly inserting the hole where the penis used to be

Zombie 1: “Arrrggh” *Wow I just had the best zombie wank ever!*

Zombie 2: “Argh” *Yeah thanks that was mine*

by Lezo August 25, 2021

Sushi Wank

A sushi wank is when you take some chopstick, wrap your dick in seaweed and use the chopsticks to jerk your sea planty penis until you cum

The other day in Yo Sushi I popped to the toilets for a sushi wank, I ate the seaweed after

by Mr.FoxNoir June 16, 2019

Philosophical Wank

When you're wanking using just your mental recollections and you begin asking yourself deep questions about the meaning of life, culminating in a more fulfilling view of the universe and life as you bust a nut.

"I just had a philosophical wank and suddenly I see things much clearer"

by Socratesticles July 16, 2020

Stank wank

The act of masturbating while taking a dump.

Dude, I tried so hard to get my old lady to give me a blumpkin. She wouldn't go for it so I had to settle for a stank wank.

by Chykaty chyna December 3, 2016