John

A destroyer of expectations and Johns hate them. Quiet and brilliant when he wants to be, but also loud and insane. Extremely talented but never shows it, can be greedy but shares with those he loves. A John just doesn't care because in his eyes you were unworthy, a John is better than you. A John doesn't speak to you because he's scared, if he did talk to you, it was either for necessity, pity, or for a slim few, respect. Women are lucky for a John to take interest in them because a John will be a golden retriever boyfriend who can also control you and take care of you the right way. A Johns memory is better than a crazy ex-girlfriends. A deuce, hear him out, you will agree with him and hate yourself for doing so. A John will also make you feel the most insane orgasms and genuinely makes you feel like he cares about you in both bed and wherever else, and he genuinely will care about you. Most likely a closeted racist/ anti-homosexual. A Johns politics are heartless but right, because of how handsome or funny they are you will just go along with it anyway because you want to be privileged enough to touch him. A John is able to admit when he’s wrong and change. A John will end up getting over it so fast that he will end up living in your head while he's already been on the next thing for a while. A walking contradiction. A John hates the spotlight but finds themselves drawn to it. A John is a demigod on earth who could lead us to greatness but feels like we don't deserve it.

Guy 1: That dude's such a bitch.
Guy 2: Be careful man, guy's a total John, you better hope he didn't hear you.
Guy 1: Really? What's gonna happen?
10 minutes later... (Explosion)
Guy 1: HOLY SHIT MY CAR EXPLODED

by Nannerzona December 7, 2023

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John

People with this name somehow manage to look like every single zoo animal all at once. They also have a tail.

"Let's go to the zoo!"

"Why, we already have a John!"

by JohnHater6942069 December 11, 2023

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John

A man that passionately loves massive red throbbing cock ripping his anus. Typically done by black fem boys.

That dude is such a John.

by Austin Penwhite December 12, 2023

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John

A lame excuse, typically one given for a poor performance at something. Popular in the Super Smash Bros. community.

If we ever do get to go head-to-head, please...no Johns!

by TheLobsterCopter5000 December 18, 2023

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John

John is very loud, but that’s only because he cares. Get into discussions with things you’re both passionate about, and they’ll be the most interesting thing you’ve talked about that day. He might not open up immediately, but if you can spend time with him, it’ll definitely be amazing.

I just spent 7 hours screaming at Mario Olympics with John and loved every second of it.

by RCG_Hater December 24, 2023

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john

if your friend’s name is john, these definitions aren’t fake!

1. he like boys 101%
2. you like him
3. you love him so much that you save him as “ysc”, “eyes don’t lie”, pillow” etc etc, make up scenarios in your head about john and you cuddling watching a movie together (perferably an anime) and getting all mushy mushy with eachother that you go into a bedroom and you know what happens next and then after that you two fall alseep in bed half naked, and then kidnap him and do crimes to him that would get you in prison for millennials upon millennials, and you bully him.
4. you hate him so much

1. “John obviously likes ______ because he’s always near him!”
2. “I.. think I like John..”
3. …
4. “Omg.. is that John?! He’s soo ugly! I just hate him!”

by the delulu one March 9, 2024

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