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left-handed cheese straightener

1. A complicated-seeming gadget, the purpose of which is nonexistent or difficult to discern. Popularized by comedian George Carlin in a skit where he explained that only in America was the patent for a left-handed cheese straightener already taken.

2. Something odd that can only be found in America.
Person 1: What the #$%&@ is that jumble of levers and pulleys supposed to be?
Person 2: Why, it must be a left-handed cheese straightener!
by Mlle. Plath April 2, 2006
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Dog handler

A dog handler is a human who likes to grip, fondle and then swallow a large juicy sausage vended on the street corners of major US cities. Often, handlers like to enhance the taste of their throat filling meat feasts by spurting sticky yellow mustard up and down their length.
As a demanding Dog handler I must shoot my mustard all over this meaty length. I can't wait to get it down my throat. Goodness, what a hot and delicious whopper it is.
by Anarcho-Capitalist January 27, 2010
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sailor's handkerchief

when you blow snot out of your nose onto the ground because you don't have a kleenex or hanky to use.
The cold air made my nose run, so I did a sailor's handkerchief on the street.
by Woody Thomas September 13, 2008
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heavy-handed

A term describing a generous bartender. This bartender always fills your pint glass to the brim and ensures you get your money's worth in any mixed drink.
"Jack sure is a heavy-handed bartender, there's just enough cranberry juice in this cranberry vodka to give it color."

"I'm starting to think Lisa is a cougar, she's always heavy-handed with attractive frat boys."
by Rena Jae November 2, 2011
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handles

Also known as hitting it, or asking for acquisition of someone elses property. Could be known as fornicating with a member of the opposite sex, or just doing a task that requires a bit of bravery.
-Handle that shit dude!
-Handles (Give me some)
-He's just in it for the handles.
by carlylecastle March 26, 2007
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Handlebar Moustache

A handlebar moustache is a growth of hair from the upper lip of a man, including only hair from within the upper lip and within the smile lines, and not including hair growing from skin below the corners of the mouth. Such a moustache will have hair at either side that is allowed to grow longer and extend out to the sides, or upward or downward, and which may be straight - more or less - or naturally curled, or curled with the aid of heat or grooming aids such as waxes, pomades or glues.

A handlebar moustache is considered a highly distinctive style for a man, adding a sort of exclamation point to his personal style. Some feel such is odd or strange, but it's merely rare these days, and those who wear them like the individuality or nostalgia of the style.

An important note is what is NOT a handlebar moustache: many people believe that a horseshoe goatee or "biker mustache" (like Hulk Hogan is known for) is a handlebar moustache. Such consists of a mustache on the upper lip connected to a growth of hair in a column from the corners of the mouth straight down to the jawline. A moustache doesn't include cheek, jaw or chin hair, thus this is not a handlebar moustache. It is a goatee with a moustache.
by Ericjt July 24, 2011
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three ax handles wide

A description of an exceptionaly wide ass. Logs were at one time cut in 100 in. "sticks". the length of three ax handles end to end.
Her ass is three ax handles wide.
by delmarskid November 17, 2007
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