status masturbation

When you get off on liking your own post on social media!

My status masturbation is on point!

by Polemuncher May 14, 2016

Big Masturbation

The forces at work trying to make me watch porn and play with my innocent Christian penis. The sex industry equivalent of Big Pharma

Me: Big Masturbation has no impact on me. I don't even do pre-marital handholding
My penis: Get PornHub Premium

by FuzzyDanglers April 23, 2020

masturbation procrastination

When you throw all your responsibilities out the window and just masturbate.

Damon didn't finish his project until the last minute because he was too busy with masturbation procrastination.

by dddisaster November 29, 2016

Rythmic masturbation

When you hear or are listening to a catchy song or piece of music while fapping, and start moving your hand to the beat. You will often be able to hold your load longer which os always a plus.

"Turn of jacob i really want to blow my load before mum walks in, this rythmic masturbation is really annoying."

by Butt plug joey March 21, 2017

holy masturbation

After the occurrence of a massive dry spell, one must partake in the holy masturbation which is the act of sitting in a confessional using holy water as lube as the priest blesses your act of satisfaction

Im sorry father for I have sinned I haven’t gotten laid in 4 years. I must partake in holy masturbation.

by Dman1011 February 21, 2023

academic masturbation

The practice in which professors and teachers find new ways to talk about hypothetical and unpractical solutions to nonexistent problems or scenarios. Simultaneous waste of taxpayer money may or may not be present depending on the type of institution.

This new class is a huge waste of time; the professor loves academic masturbation, but hasn't actually taught us anything useful.

by bob seeply December 13, 2016

precation masturbation

The act of masturbating the day before a long vacation to avoid the urge to touch oneself in close proximity to friends and/or family members.

I've made our reservations, packed our bags, and had my precation masturbation session. I am totally ready for this trip!

by RonnieRon February 6, 2017