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Apple

the makers of the finest and most expensive paperweights in the world.
1:"Dude, I just got a Apple iMac!"
2:"Why?"
1:"The airflow through my room makes all my papers fly around...now it won't!"
by TehTruth1 October 7, 2006
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slimy apple

A slimy apple is when you shove an apple up a very horny girl's vagina, and then pull it out and do hits of marijuana out of it.
Dude, did you see how horny that girl is?

I know, i'm about to give that bitch a slimy apple.
by P.I.M.P.in' all ova the world February 7, 2010
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applectomy

A medical condition in which prolonged usage of Apple technology results in degenerative brain diseases. Applectomy is subsequently branched into a wide variety of symptomatic illnesses based on the level and type of exposure to Apple products.

Decreased Motor Cortex Stimulation: Prolonged usage of Apple's touch screen technology will result in the degeneration of the motor cortex. Resulting in a loss of fine motor skills and overall finger dexterity needed to finely manipulate items. Items such as a keyboard.

Appsosis: A debilitating mental illness brought about by chronic exposure to the Apple iPhone's third party applications causes dementia and neurosis among patients overly engrossed into their recently purchased "app".

I-Form Dyslexia: A learning disability that stems from habitual usage of Apple's "i" products i.e "iPod", "iPhone", "iMovie". Patients begin to refer to objects with the prefix lowercase "i". Referring to a pet dog as "iDog" or a friend as an "iFriend" is a sign of I-Form Dyslexia
Jim: Hey Sarah how are you doing today?

Sarah: *In profound vegetative state*

Jim: Sarah please stop using your iPhone, Please! Your family needs you...

Sarah: *In profound vegetative state*

Doctor: I'm sorry Jim but she's suffering from late stage applectomy. Her brain has atrophied from prolonged use of her iPhone.

Jim: God no....
by Define Me! March 21, 2009
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Apple

A horrendous company that has somehow managed to stay afloat for years and appeal to a mass of misguided people. They specialize in taking existing technology, making it all shiny and fancy looking, and re-selling it for double the price. Ironically, their slogan is "Think Different".

Their latest and greatest gadget that's getting all the attention is, of course, the iPhone, which is basically comparable to any high-quality $150 phone, except it has "innovative" touch screen technology, and it sells for $600.

Apple couldn't quite figure out how to make an operating system, so they just stole the freeBSD kernel and repackaged a bastardized version of it as Mac OS X. It's funny that Apple brags that it's "Unix-based", since no one with experience in Unix would ever use a Mac.

Apple frequently runs "clever" ads. Although they've made a ton of them, all the ads boil down to how Windows has viruses and crashes all the time. Apple also have an enormous, cult-like fanbase that like to remind us of these things every five seconds. Apple fanboys are generally smug, annoying, and arrogant, despite the fact that most of them don't know jack shit about computers.
Apple Fanboy: "M$ is teh sux0r! Apple pwns!"

Windows User: "Windows has a wide selection of software and games, and a huge developer community."

Apple Fanboy: "BUT IT CRASHES AND HAS VIRUSES LOL"

Windows User: "My OS hasn't crashed since I had Windows ME. And AVG is a free program that keeps my computer secure."

Apple Fanboy: "BUT WINDOZE SUXX!"

Windows User: "Would you care to tell me about your Mac? I hear it doesn't have many tools for software developers, which are important for my work."

Apple Fanboy: "lolololol but windows sucks!!!11"

Windows User: "Did you know that a great amout of Apple software is made with Microsoft Visual C++?"

Apple Fanboy: "omg wtf is C++?"
by Jason Brandt December 24, 2007
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apple stem

The shell of a pen (without the ink refill) that a crack whore can use to smoke her crack.
crack whore: hey can I have that pen?
john: why?
crack whore: 'cause i need to use the shell as an apple stem.
john: what's an apple stem?
crack whore: it's the pipe I use to hit the rock.
by crackfiend January 6, 2008
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Apple Earphone Bitching

Where someone bitches about the quality, and/or lack of bass with the earphones supplied as standard with the apple ipods.
Ross: Ugh, these apple earphones are wank. So little bass.

Julian: Geezus, calm down and stop apple earphone bitching.

Ross: Whore
by Ross McPwn October 15, 2011
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apple

The company that makes MacBooks and stuff. So yeah.
Life was a lot simpler when apples and blackberries were just fruits.
by i_like_pie0125 January 23, 2011
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