n. Incredibly
odd animal with ludicrously improbable physical, behavioural and emotional characteristics unseen
outside Hollywood. Thought by habitually beer-dozzled Australian scientists to be a cross between a platypus and another platypus. Aborigines, who worshipped the platypi as very peculiar crippled and mentally handicapped gods imbued with irreplaceable mystical powers and the souls of dead
aboriginal heroes, were reluctant to
kill and eat the strange creatures unless they were
hungry. After every edible part of the delicious gods were consumed all of the remaining bits, some of which were rather nasty and in fact poisonous, were employed to create everything a stone-age people could possibly need … assuming they were not interested in leaving the stone age.
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Dear God
Bruce! What in rotting wombat guts is that smeared on your wellies? It smells like vegamite gone septic.
No worries mate. It’s platypus bile. The aborigines use it to waterproof their
ocean-going rafts.
Perhaps that’s why they
never got off this bleeding swelter bog of a continent.