Ear condom

noun. (figurative) A rubber sheath worn on the ear during a conversation to prevent an offence (a wounding of the feelings). First introduced by Lady Gaga in 2011, in her controversial song Judas.

Keep in mind that “ear condom” is to be used in the figurative sense only; do not attempt to wear a sexual condom on your ear or attempt to place one on the ear of a human (or an animal, like a pet dog).

Jameelha : What! You cheated on me with Lady Gaga! I'm going to fuck you up you son of a bitch!

Judas : I think i should wear an ear condom...

Ear condom by Lostsoulnnp June 7, 2011

fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom 

An insult that can be used as an alternative to "fuck me" or "fuck me sideways" and can avoid actions that look like fucking someone sideways. Also an insult that can be used against others because they are simply an ass or they are stupid, and as such, deserve really painful sex.

-Why the hell did you yell your ex's name when you had sex with your girl?
-Fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom.

-Dude, where the hell are you?
-I'm stuck behind this old fart.
-Go fuck him sideways with a sandpaper condom, it's your damn fault you woke up late.

fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom by gofuckaduck90 June 15, 2011

cardboard condom

a makeshift condom used in desperate situations, or when either party is allergic to latex
feel free to decorate with sequins, glitter, or family photos

Caitlin bought Sophie a cardboard condom because she is allergic to latex

cardboard condom by jubilategang December 22, 2008

poop condom 

When one proceeds to fuck a girl in the ass and gets poop over their penis which then acts as a condom for vaginal sex.

"Dude did you at least use a condom?"
"No need we did anal first, we had a poop condom."

poop condom by Phishman631 April 19, 2008

congo condom 

eat a banana, put the peel over your dick, stick it out your pants fly, then when she goes to grab the "banana" you head but her and knock her out, then pull off the peel and stick your dick in her mouth

I got sally so good when i pulled a congo condom, but she didnt wake up for a while after it.

congo condom by nickdc323 September 8, 2005

Catterick condom 

The one failsafe method of birth control, much favoured between military types in the eponymous Yorkshire garrison town. See also: Colchester condom.

Now you will be wearing a Catterick condom when I meet you behind the barrack block tonight, won't you lieutenant?

Catterick condom by Lord Grimcock January 5, 2008

finger condom 

Traditionally called a finger cot. These offer protection for fingers in various activities.

Jane stole some finger condoms from her chemistry lab to use at her own leisure.

finger condom by dL September 20, 2004