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jessica alba

(1)a female with both looks and brains, but doesn't have to use them to attain popularity; the opposite of a paris hilton
(2)a attractive multi-racial female, also known as a dark angel. Similar term: halle berry
Tammi is definitely a jessica alba; she will come out on top in any situation.
by Rolie Platnin August 10, 2005
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Jessica Alba

An alternative to porn when men want to masturbate.
Example 1:

Jerking
Every
Second
Savagely
Imagining
Caressing
Alba
And
Licking
Beautiful
Alba

Example 2:

Joe: Hey Bob, you wanna go drinking at the bar tonight?

Bob: Nah, there's always a huge traffic jam up there every Friday. I think I'm gonna stay home and masturbate.

Joe: If I am at the liberty of asking, to whom or what will you be pleasuring yourself to this evening?

Bob: I don't know, I'm getting bored of the same old stuff.

Joe: What about Jessica Alba? She really gets my balls brewing!

Bob: Great idea! She's also been falsely regarded as the "sexiest woman alive" for quite some time now. Sexiest woman in the fucking Known Universe is more like it!

Joe: Fuck yeah! Now go fap off to that shit!

Bob: I will!

Example 3:

John: Did you see that chick that just walked by? What a babe, I would chop off my legs and arms just to have the opportunity to eat her shit.

Jay: Yeah, she's a total Jessica Alba.
by TZG_Eleven June 14, 2011
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jessica kinsella

A Jessica Kinsella is someone with typically brown hair and glasses.
She is actually pretty cool go be friends with her 👌
Wow that’s jessica Kinsella, how cool is that fam?
by The fit guy master November 24, 2018
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Jessica Simpson Disorder

A girl, either ugly, fat, or unpopular, that believes she is a splitting image of Jessica Simpson. Most usually, this girl has a very warped mind about the world, women in general, and mainly herself. She is led to believe due to this disorder that since she is so much like Jessica Simpson, she should be treated as such. If in any case you fail to treat her this way, with all her power, she will attempt to make you conform.
Many believe Jessica Simpson disorder to be related with heavy MTV viewing, cheese intake, and a long/drawn-out menstrual cycle, lasting an entire year. The only known cure is immediate psychiatric treatment. Removal from MTV/Cheese will combat some of the symptoms, but relapse is common.
Currently, 1% of the female population has this disorder, with 10% of those afflicted residing in Wisconsin.
"Dude, just fucking dump Heather already, nobody likes her. She is manipulating you with her Jessica Simpson Disorder."
"I thought the tv remote had a lot cheese powder on it."
"You better wash those hands, she'll lick 'em clean to the bone."
by Biff Justice November 2, 2005
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Jessica Michalik

An Australian teenage girl who was brutally crushed to death in the moshpit of the Sydney Big Day Out in 2001. She died during a Limp Bizkit performance, where the lead singer Fred Durst allegedly made "alarming and inflammatory" comments when a rescue effort was underway.
Now, instead of the normal minute of silence, every year at the Bid Day Out a 'minute of noise' is held in tribute of Jessica Michalik'd death.
The band Grinspoon performed at Jessica Michalik's funeral in 2001.
by Blackington October 6, 2006
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Jessica Messica

When someone asks you your name and you totally lie and say Jessica and they ask for your last name and the best last name you can think of is Messica. So now everyone who’s name is Jessica you call Jessica Messica :)
Guy: “what’s your name?”
Me: Jessica Messica
by Bdbdhfnsvxb June 21, 2018
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jessica simpson

The better Simpson. So what if she's dumb, at least she isn't a poser like ashlee.
Jessica Simpson: This says baby food. Is it food or is it baby?
by Angelacia May 14, 2007
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