breaching turtle

noun; Known regionally as "mustachious dollarous amphibious," the breaching turtle is a somewhat timid creature that can be commonly found relaxing stage-side at area strip clubs. It is not uncommon to see anywhere between 2-5 breaching turtles occupying the same dimly lit corner. The breaching turtle spends most of its time with its head safely concealed within its t-shirt-like shell (*note: breaching turtles have the ability to remain submerged for up to as many as 3 Def Leppard songs). A breaching turtle will remain concealed until its insatiable appetite for titty resin causes it to burst forth, craning its long neck in the direction of its prey. The breaching turtle utilizes a dollar bill held firmly between its nose and mouth to lure in the stripper it desires. Upon having titties rub in its face, the breaching turtle may linger for several more sets of titties before quietly retreating back into its shell. On rare occasion, breaching turtles may emerge to particularly large, old, or ugly strippers upon which the breaching turtle will hastily recede back into the safety of its 100% cotton shell (see "frightened turtle")

"Did you see Chris last night?"

"Yeah man! He waited through like two whole dances before totally going breaching turtle on that one with the phat azz and big ole tit-tays!"

by mustachious dollarous June 26, 2014

Cheese Turtle

An uncircumcised micropenis with yellow smegma

"Hey how's your cheese turtle problem doing?"
"I thought I told you not to talk about it in public!"
"Not my fault you weren't circumcised and don't know how to wash your tiny dick. That yellow smegma is gross"

by SouLLesS April 26, 2015

Loggerhead Turtle

The act of giving a blowjob in the ocean while the penis is completely submerged in water (usually just 3-4 sucks at a time between coming back up for air).

"Dude, take my advice: don't ask her for a Loggerhead Turtle when the waves are really big."

by Herbert Muffin September 11, 2015

turtle popping

When you are running to the toilet with poo half out of your bum and you're squeezing your anus to get it back in.

Like a turtles head half out of its shell.

"Oh my God, I got to go to the loo; I'm turtle popping!"

by Carnthepear September 12, 2015

Slumbering Turtle

Unlike a turtle head a 'slumbering turtle' is knowing that you have a poop coming on, but it is not yet as severe.

I've got a slumbering turtle right now, but I might want to get it out before it turns into a turtle head!

by El Guapo Muchacho September 14, 2016

Turtle Spurts

Rapidly releasing a series of multiple, small turds.

I just had the turtle spurts. Had to be about a dozen floating.

by Eaton Holgoode January 8, 2019

SPANKING THE TURTLE

The act of trying to slap a turtle head back up your luscious cheeks to avoid sheer embarrassment and the otter humiliation that comes with shitting your pants. This commonly done when restrooms are not available.

“Bro, I was SPANKING THE TURTLE 🐢 in hopes I would make it to a bathroom in time.”

by Steven dickerson June 17, 2018