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Sorry, I don't sprechen the douche. 

Response to someone either being a douche, saying something douchey, or telling you to get an Über.

Play on "sprechen sie deutsch"
Q: "Why don't you just take an Über?"

A: "Sorry, I don't sprechen the douche."

can't see the forest for the trees 

It means that if you look at things one at a time, you might not realize that a branch of separate "trees" go togehter to make a "forest"

When you are too close to a situation you need to step back and get a little perspective. When you do you will notice there was a whole forest you couldn't see before because you were too close, and focusing on the trees.
Simply that you have focused on the many details and have failed to see the overall view, impression or key point.
Example "can't see the forest for the trees"

He is so caught up in her affectation that he " cant see the forest for the trees"

He is to busy on the outside looking in that he cant see the forest for the trees.

I didn’t start the fire 

I didn’t start the fire ..

Can’t without a spark ;)
I didn’t start the fire …

lol come to me you say? Nope open invite .. you come here … !!!

Lmk a bit in advance if I should actually expect company …

can't stump the trump

Trump "berning" lots of cruz, hillary, and bernie fans in an MLG fashion.
You can't stump the trump!

Don't shoot the puppy

probably one of the best/worst time waster games ever made. involves a puppy a cannon and maybe the occasional red ball.
Man, I was playing don't shoot the puppy the other day and I about crapped myself it was so fun.

Ever heard of don't shoot the puppy? no? Good, let's keep it that way...

can't see the forest for the trees 

To be so concerned with specifics or details that the larger problem, situation or point is missed. Alternate: can't see the woods for the trees. Often said incorrectly as "can't see the forest THROUGH the trees." (English, circa 1500's)
A: I hate the piss and crap all over the place from my wife's cats!
B: Dude, she only has the cats because she knows you hate it and is trying to drive you out. I guess you can't see the forest for the trees.