closet crunch

When your girlfriend is knee deep in housework and you ambush her while she's putting clothes away, get her all folded up in the corner of the closet like a cheap lawn chair & bang the daylights out of her. After, you pull one of her shirts off the hanger to wipe up with.

Stacie was super busy putting clothes away, when Eric totally snuck up on her & gave her a heavy dose of the ol' closet crunch.

by ms super funnier than eric November 15, 2011

closet crackhead

Someone who hides their crack or drug addiction from their friends and steals money to fulfill it

My friend Koy is a closet crackhead because I know he’s a tweak but he won’t admit it

by DrJeffery January 25, 2020

Schrödinger’s Closet

When your out to most people, but retain enough plausible deniability for when the conservative relatives come for thanksgiving

Bro, are you out to your family yet?
Kind of, but it’s more of a Schrödinger’s closet situation.

by Ur_Mom_Gae May 13, 2020

Schrödinger’s Closet

When your out to most people but have enough plausible deniability to stay out of deep shit when the conservative relatives come for Thanksgiving

I’m out to most people but not parts of my family.
That’s called Schrödinger’s Closet

by Ur_Mom_Gae May 13, 2020

Closet smoke

A person, usually female, that doesn't appear to be beautiful at first glance, but upon further investigation, is actually extremely pretty. Subtle things like mannerisms, eyes, hair and voice are what set these people apart from thirsty girls.

Bro, have you seen Kate's Insta lately? The girl is a closet smoke. Wish I would have realised that back in college...

by SHammer35 July 6, 2020

goodie closet

noun
A closet for snacks. First discovered in OneTopic's "The straights are NOT OK"

"Did you steal the cheetos out of my goodie closet again?"
"I'm sorry, but it's my cheat day and I'm really hungry."

by Cookie_on_Joy August 13, 2020

closet jerk

someone who is only pretending to be nice to you but secretly doesn't like you. May ignore you, never include you and diss you in private with their closet jerk friends.

"He just politely shut me down with that irritating politician smile. What a closet jerk."

by Caaulolo September 16, 2020