Decapitate the turtle

when you are turtle heading, or plain taking a dookie, and you "cut loose" the protruding mass of excrement by clenching your sphincter tight mid turd

"damnd that was a long crap, i had to decapitate the turtle before it touched the water"

by Dan the pc butcher February 29, 2008

Squirting Turtle

The spread legged shuffle a girl does after sex on the way to the toilet after not using protection, desperately trying to hold in any semen before making it to the shower/toilet.

Oh my god, my boyfriend has it so easy after we've had sex. I totally have to do the squirting turtle to the bathroom while he just lays there.

by Sexasauras September 29, 2012

Nuclear Turtle

When your bowel movement results in a mushroom cloud of stench arising in the immediate vicinity. Then you observe below you in the toilet bowl the illegitimate spawn of some sort of amphibians from the bikini atoll test site. Most of the time a nuclear turtle is of a green color in some or all of its outer coating, although a black and brown variety has been reported.

My sh*t just hit critical mass, nuclear turtle imminent!

by TurtleBomber October 1, 2010

turtle's head

The first part of a turd that will poke itself out for air, when yo' ass is fit to bust.

'When the turtle's head pops out, you're on borrowed time...'

by ant July 26, 2004

Turtle Sex

When a guy talks up his game, claiming he can hit it hard and fast, but when it comes down to it, fucks no better than a turtle.

Friend 1: "Hey! How was last night?"
Friend 2: "It was absolutely awful! He kept telling me how hard he wanted to fuck me, but then he was like a turtle, moving so slow! There's no other way to explain it besides Turtle Sex."

by snowspy May 8, 2011

Turtle time

To have a good sexual time

Hey baby, be ready tonight, it’s turtle time.

by Childofthedarklord January 5, 2019

magic turtle

The last section of a bowel movement that refuses to pass, instead coming to rest just inside the anus.

While not uncomfortable, the wiping process is greatly impacted. Unknown to the sitter their ass is clean, however, each wipe creates creates a slight relaxing of the sphincter which leads to light contact between paper and turd, making it appear that there is some mysterious and unexplainable trickery going on.

Jill: Who blocked the toilet with all this paper?
Ben: Sorry, I had a magic turtle.

by Joshua James December 10, 2006