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Lazy Masturbation

The act of resting your hands in your pants and holding your genitals or butt, usually absentmindedly. It is usually mildly pleasurable, but is not done to get off.
"Woah, why do you have your hand in your pants?"
"I was just bored and starting doing some lazy masturbation."
by JaxMP August 8, 2018
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Ego masturbation

When you lack confidence and need some stroking to make it stronger, better
Ego masturbation is giving yourself praise when you actually suck so bad at it.
by Onezeen August 6, 2019
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Big Masturbation

The forces at work trying to make me watch porn and play with my innocent Christian penis. The sex industry equivalent of Big Pharma
Me: Big Masturbation has no impact on me. I don't even do pre-marital handholding
My penis: Get PornHub Premium
by FuzzyDanglers April 23, 2020
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Alaskan Menstruation

When someone WITH A VAGINA puts a taper in a penises meatus (or urethra) until it bleeds, then plugs the hole with snow.
Kelly was so fed up with her boyfriends shenanigans that she had to give him the classic Alaskan Menstruation.
by alaskalover123 January 5, 2021
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Vestal Masturbation

One of the most notorious heavy metal t shirts in history, Cradle of Filth's "Vestal Masturbation" depicts a nude nun pleasuring herself on the front, with the phrase "Jesus Is A Cunt" written in large letters on the back.
His parents were outraged to find out that he had been kicked out of school for wearing his Vestal Masturbation t shirt.
by LemmyForever December 19, 2021
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Mindful Masturbation May

No masturbation. You can do anything as long as you don’t cum, but Blowjobs and Sex are allowed, as long as it’s done by someone other than yourself. Passing will let you move onto Join Jerk June.
Mindful Masturbation May, is NNN for virgins.
by plshelpaaaaaaaaaaaa January 24, 2022
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Intellectual masturbation

A conversation with the purpose of confirming or showing off both parties' knowledge in a certain field, without providing new leads or ideas.
They kept jerking each other's brain off in that round of intellectual masturbation about algorithms optimization.
by SollyDMonkey July 3, 2022
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