Orphan Erection

When you get hard but you can't do anything about it, and it dies, alone and unloved.

I was at church and I popped a orphan erection, hopefully it goes to heaven with the rest of the unwanted and unloved .

by Ess_Nelek April 16, 2016

Hebus Erectus

A Jew(Hebrew) who has been contracted by a goy to assemble Christmas gifts that do not come prefabricated. Though the Gentile client, usually an affluent father, has the competency to construct said gifts for his children on Christmas morn, he is often too hung over from the previous night’s eggnog consumption to have the patience and/or focus to follow the complex instructions. This is where the Semite comes into play. Because of the unimportance of the Christian holiday to the Judeo-contractor, he is available, clear-headed, and willing to work for a reasonable price. Well, reasonable according to his people’s standards. I mean, if you wanted to find a Jewish tradesman that didn’t gouge the goyim, you’d have to build a time machine and travel back to Jesus times. Anyway, Adam Carolla coined it on January 4, 2016 on the "Adam Carolla Show."

Crafty Jews Inc. employee: Crafty Jews, let us work while you snooze.

Adam: Hi, I’m Adam Carolla. I saw your ad in the “Rich Whitey Gazette.”

CJ employee: Yes, how may I help you, sir?

Adam: Well I’d like to hire someone to put up a zipline in my backyard for my 9-year-old daughter? Now your Jews, are they mechanically inclined?

CJ employee: Sir, all our guys are Hebus Erectus Certified. We import the finest laborers from Israel.

Adam: That’s good. ‘Cause the last thing I need is one of those domesticated, Woody Allen-type Jews coming over here.

CJ employee: Sir, I can assure you, we would never send a Woody Allen-type Jew where there are prepubescent girls. We will send the most blue-collared, salt of the Earth Jew we can find. Think Bruce Springsteen.

Adam: Well you know, he’s not Jewish. You guys always claim him as one of your own but…uh

CJ employee: Ok, well we’ve got one that looks like Eli Roth.

Adam: Jesus, I want a zipline put up, not my children to be beaten to death with a baseball bat.

CJ employee: Ok, ok. Hmm, well you bring up baseball? We have a guy built like Sandy Koufax, smart as Einstein.

Adam: That’s my guy. Send him over, Christmas morn at 8.

CJ employee: Will do Mr. Carolla. Thank you for choosing us for your Hebus Erectus needs.

Adam: Well you are the Chosen people.

CJ employee: Ha, you sure you’re not a Jew?

Adam: To be honest, I’ve got two Jews here passing me jokes on Post-Its. They’re part of your Hebus Punch-up-us line.

carolla

by griffin_t_a April 20, 2016

glass erection

An erection so hard that the slightest force applied will cause it to shatter.

Did you see Jenny last night? Pure glass erection.

by SenorSloth October 6, 2016

financial erection

When you see loads of 0's on a check and you can't help yourself.

Yo dude, my check just came and gave me this massive financial erection.

If I was Trump right now I'd have the biggest financial erection.

by lolafier December 19, 2016

Tooth-erection

A male who is so turned on that their dick penetrates their pants. When reaching completion the dick sprouts horns and teeth then eats raspberries as they fuck their prey.

I am a sexy..... TOOTH-ERECTION!

by HydratedTrash December 25, 2016

Softcore Erectus

A dick with a hard tip but soft at the base.

Woah! That's one softcore erectus

by hamturkey May 16, 2017

midget erection

When a normal sized man is having intercourse with a little woman doggy style, stands up and puts on a large pair of sweatpants while still inside her. He then leaves his house and goes for a walk with what appears to be a massive erection in his pants but is really just his fun sized partner going for a ride.

Did you see that guy on the street today? He either had a disease or a midget erection

by Kwaller11 October 28, 2017