Soccer Mom Photographer

The slippery slope of becoming a wannabe "Pro Photographer" that starts with the rule of 1 in 1,000.

With the advent of digital slr cameras for under $500 every mom with a camera takes 1,000 pictures of their child, 1 of those pictures is pretty good and when shown to a friend or family member she hears the golden words "that shot is great...you have a real knack for photography" and so the journey begins.

Without any inkling of ISO, shutter speed, aperture, color balance, lighting, composition...any thought at all (AUTO EVERYTHING) mom thinks she has actual talent.

Through the marketing avenues of friends she books a few gigs shooting babies on bedsheets with gerber daisies, wearing funny colorful hats, hanging in cheese cloth, hands shaped in the form of hearts on expecting bellies, bad lighting, composition and exposure, but the ability to "sell it as art" since she's now a pro shooter.

1.) Images way to photoshopped, skintones are blown out, yellow, way to saturated.

2.) Won't give you a receipt since hubby is the bread winner and doesn't claim her income, it's tax free money under the table.

3.) Uses pirated photoshop.

4.) All the comments on their "mommy photo blog" are posted by the same 10 people every post with generic comments like "OMG, SO CUTE!!!!" or "Lisa, you are SO talented, OMG!!!" It's pretty much a must to have multiple exclamation points OMG! All comments must be dripping with unbelievable back patting ooze.

How was your session? I forgot all of my equipment at the studio so I just soccer mom'd it.

Wow, uuum, those images are really something? Yeah, I went to a soccer mom photographer. We didn't have the money for a professional photographer.

Those pictures look like my mom took them! That's because we used a soccer mom photographer.

by stinkbuttboy February 17, 2010

soccer moms

They name their children Madison, Britney, Caitlyn, Tanner, Bryce, Trevor... they drive an SUV or minivan embossed with soccer ball decals and honor student bumper stickers... their two most prized possessions: their cell phone and their sport water bottle... their husbands are never around, either at work or playing golf... they live in a constant state of suspicion of anyone "different" or not from their neighborhood (which usually is gated to keep those other people out).
They and they alone have made the lamentable Kidz Bop series a huge success and consequently are raising social retards who when they finally are "free" and off to college, will become drunken frat boys and/or slutty sorority girls.

The soccer moms of River Place subdivision gathered at Starbucks to discuss the growing problem of suspicious-looking Hispanic lawn crews prowling up and down their streets. Molly suggested that they discuss the issue with the HOA, to which Cindy said, "Good idea! Maybe we can make a rule requiring all Hispanics who come to our neighborhood be required to pass a background check."
They all loved this idea and toasted Cindy with their frozen lattes.

by Tom Fool June 12, 2007

soccer mom

Middle to upper class white 30 to 45 year old moms that think every friggin thing is violent, except for their perfect little brats that they call children and their mini vans/elephant sized SUV's that use more gas than a plane going to Australia. Most of them are mind drones to their husbands who are the only provider of money seeing as none of them have jobs. They carry 100$ coffe, and a cell phone with them everywhere. And most of the time their vocal chords hurt from screaming their kids name at his or her soccer/baseball game 24/7. They want to censor everything that isn's christian, because its "evil." and feel only G rated movies and E rated video games are suitable for their bratty as hell kids. One of the most ignorant people around, because they think anything that isn't christian, white, and swear and or violence free is damed to hell.

"that soccer mom just cut me off in her gianst SUV cause she's late for her brat's soccer game, now i have a fender bender that she blamed on me"

by questionmarkc October 6, 2005

socceroos

The Australian Soccer/Football team. We may not be the best or most skillful, but we're easily the toughest and happiest.

The Socceroos took Japan to school.

by starky June 17, 2006

soccer mom

One of those moms you see in game stores who freaks the fuck out at managers for "polluting th minds of our youth". The soccer mom(read: bitch will commonly cut you off in traffic without warning, and then honk rapidly. On the back of her blue minivan/SUV there is ALWAYS a stupid generic soccer ball sticker. There are also about 2 to 3 stickers saying "my little fucker is an honor roll student at _____ Middle School."

In my local mall one day, I was just going into the music store to buy a new CD. I had my headphones on and was listening to my favorite band, Rammstein. A soccer mom(carrying PETA-endorsing stickers and pamphlets) approached me and yelled at me about my "Nazi pollution"(she could obviously hear it). I took my kickass German CD out and loaded it into one of the store's useable stereos, and turned the volume to the max. Bitch.

by Zwitterkrieger January 24, 2004

soccer mom

1.A middle to upper-class post-baby boomer woman, usually white, who usually spends her time homemaking. Her children are her whole world, and she considers them to be the exceptions to every rule. She cannot control them and expects everyone else to deal with that. She loves trendy diets and hair styles, is fashionably late to her children's sport practices, and insists that her children's teachers do not challenge them enough. Debate rages over her political leanings, but regardless, she feels that her and her family are moral soldiers, making sure that those who have "questionable" character are ignored, shunned, and avoided. She lives in the suburbs and drives an expensive SUV that her husband had lifted into the stratosphere, even though it will undoubtedly never be taken off-road once. Can frequently be seen standing in line in coffee shops and pays for a pack of gum with a debit card.
2.An object of sexual infatuation for many young men between 20 and 40.

Out of all the people Jenny dealt with at her job at the bank, she hated soccer moms the most.

by Guinness for everything August 3, 2005

Klarance Soccer

The man responsible for creating the game of soccer. Back in the 17th century, an African American man named Klarance was playing with a ball. When asked what he was doing he replied "I dunno." So he was immediately shot. In his memory, the shooters decided to name the ball after Klarance's last name, thus creating what we know as today as soccer.

Guy 1: Hey we should get some cinnamon pop tarts.
Guy 2: Did you know that cinnamon pop tarts were Klarance Soccer's, the inventor of soccers, favorite food?
Guy 1: Why no I didn't, what useful infomation Geoffrey.

by klrsoccer October 5, 2008