Tim and Ed try to do the impossible cartwheel but instead always smack each other in the face with their dicks.
by #mr.swordfighter May 23, 2019
Get the The impossible cartwheel mug.An elaborate sexual maneuver involving weeks of preparation and a large initial cost investment (should be avoided by all but the most committed and enthusiastic individuals). Supplies needed: octopus, gym membership, a fun-loving and adventure-seeking spirit, more lube than you've ever used in your life, an on-site surgeon (in case of disaster) and Grimm's Book of Fairy Tales.
Instructions:
1) become extremely fit as a member of your local gym or community center.
2) purchase a salt water tank and octopus-- preferably a Caribbean reef octopus for its lovely indigo hue, but the common Octopus vulgaris will do.
3) *ANIMAL CRUELTY INVOLVED IN THE FOLLOWING STEP* De-tentacle the octopus, and desert the body in the appropriate biohazard container of your choice. Preserve the tentacles in your salt water tank.
4) Read your partner, in the accent of your choice, the most fucked-up of Grimm's Fairy Tales. Excellent choices include Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel & Gretel.
4) For every murmur of horror they admit, slap your partner's genitalia with the tentacles.
5) Repeat until the fairy tales are complete or the tentacles no longer have any live neurons and cannot move on their own.
6) Afterwards, do cartwheels to air out one's vagina! THE VAGINA CARTWHEEL IS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT THIS PROCESS.
THIS SEXUAL MANEUVER IS ILLEGAL IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES AND PUERTO RICO.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED*
(post-traumatic stress disorder a distinct possibility)
Instructions:
1) become extremely fit as a member of your local gym or community center.
2) purchase a salt water tank and octopus-- preferably a Caribbean reef octopus for its lovely indigo hue, but the common Octopus vulgaris will do.
3) *ANIMAL CRUELTY INVOLVED IN THE FOLLOWING STEP* De-tentacle the octopus, and desert the body in the appropriate biohazard container of your choice. Preserve the tentacles in your salt water tank.
4) Read your partner, in the accent of your choice, the most fucked-up of Grimm's Fairy Tales. Excellent choices include Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel & Gretel.
4) For every murmur of horror they admit, slap your partner's genitalia with the tentacles.
5) Repeat until the fairy tales are complete or the tentacles no longer have any live neurons and cannot move on their own.
6) Afterwards, do cartwheels to air out one's vagina! THE VAGINA CARTWHEEL IS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT THIS PROCESS.
THIS SEXUAL MANEUVER IS ILLEGAL IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES AND PUERTO RICO.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED*
(post-traumatic stress disorder a distinct possibility)
"My, what large teeth you have!" *gasp of horror* *slapping noise*
"Hey, I hear Henry F. is super-into Vagina Cartwheels!"
"Hey, I hear Henry F. is super-into Vagina Cartwheels!"
by the love pad November 12, 2012
Get the Vagina cartwheels mug.Related Words
Robert: Oh man! You should've seen it, Tricia hyped up this trick then ended up doing a fartwheel!
Matt: Lulz.
Matt: Lulz.
by Baron von Evil June 10, 2008
Get the Fartwheel mug.Caution: This is a very real extreme sport not to be taken lightly.
How to play: All you need, is the ability to preform a half-assed cartwheel, and a moderately busy street. Now the idea, is to cross the street while doing one simultaneous cartwheel. That means, no stopping, no slowing down, and no pussying out. Men who take pride in this activity are often drunk, or not men at all, but a bunch of dumb teenagers who are looking for a "good" time and a few laughs. Until they get hit by a car.
I, myself, like to wear some hiked up gym shorts with a cut off tshirt. Sunglasses are a must during the night. You can't see a thing when cars put their brights on. Clothing of all kinds is acceptable, but try to make it sexy.
There are many types of games you can play besides the regular 'cross the street for fun' deal. Here's a few more games you can try playing:
Pig: You need at least 2 people to play this. One man must cartwheel across the street, in any path, and the other play must copy his exact path. If any car honks at you, gives you the finger, or yells at you, you are disqualified. Bitch.
Freestyle: Just cartwheel all over the road, go with and against traffic, just break free with an explosion of cartwheel greatness. If you want to compete, you set the amount of time each person has to make a performance, and rate it afterwords. The man with the highest score (preferably out of 10) wins.
Tag: The same as regular tag, but you have to stay in the lanes, and can only travel by cartwheeling. If you leave the lanes, your automatically ''it''.
Don't let these games limit your imagination. Come up with your own game!
Have fun playing in traffic!
How to play: All you need, is the ability to preform a half-assed cartwheel, and a moderately busy street. Now the idea, is to cross the street while doing one simultaneous cartwheel. That means, no stopping, no slowing down, and no pussying out. Men who take pride in this activity are often drunk, or not men at all, but a bunch of dumb teenagers who are looking for a "good" time and a few laughs. Until they get hit by a car.
I, myself, like to wear some hiked up gym shorts with a cut off tshirt. Sunglasses are a must during the night. You can't see a thing when cars put their brights on. Clothing of all kinds is acceptable, but try to make it sexy.
There are many types of games you can play besides the regular 'cross the street for fun' deal. Here's a few more games you can try playing:
Pig: You need at least 2 people to play this. One man must cartwheel across the street, in any path, and the other play must copy his exact path. If any car honks at you, gives you the finger, or yells at you, you are disqualified. Bitch.
Freestyle: Just cartwheel all over the road, go with and against traffic, just break free with an explosion of cartwheel greatness. If you want to compete, you set the amount of time each person has to make a performance, and rate it afterwords. The man with the highest score (preferably out of 10) wins.
Tag: The same as regular tag, but you have to stay in the lanes, and can only travel by cartwheeling. If you leave the lanes, your automatically ''it''.
Don't let these games limit your imagination. Come up with your own game!
Have fun playing in traffic!
One time, a cop stopped me while I was Extreme Cartwheeling, only to tell me I was weraing too dark clothing for the nighttime, and that I should be careful.
See? Outlaws respect a man who can cartwheel.
See? Outlaws respect a man who can cartwheel.
by Brttrx December 14, 2008
Get the Extreme Cartwheeling mug.When you are going down on someone and aren't getting shit back so you force them into the 69 position by quickly and sneakishly swinging your legs around so you can plant your genitals right on their face--keeping your mouth in tact at all times. Practice makes perfect.
"The other night she was hosting a clam bake so I decided to horizontal kartwheel and plant my shit right in her face"
"The other night she was hosting a clam bake so I decided to horizontal kartwheel and plant my shit right in her face"
"The other night she was hosting a clam bake so I decided to horizontal kartwheel and plant my shit right in her face"
by ticky ticky KiMSHaDY June 11, 2008
Get the Horizontal Kartwheel mug.A cartcreel is like a cartwheel only there's a kick added to the end of it and often followed by a double backfist into a crowd of people at a hardcore show. It's a form of moshing made famous by the Creel brothers. Hated by some and feared by many, you know when a cartcreel is thrown, you better get the fuck out of the way.
by CycoLOTW July 10, 2012
Get the cartcreel mug.You put/tie your hands behind your back, lean forward and extend your front teeth in an attempt to prepare to do a cartwheel. Using your TEETH as leverage only (not your hands at all), you do the cartwheel, having your teeth hit the ground instead of your hands. This can be done in times of utter excitement or even disappointment. It is to suggest that you are overly emotional about something.
by Bobby Cipolla June 4, 2007
Get the Toothed-Cartwheels mug.