Pastry Lampard

Term used to describe a sausage roll, while acknowledging the English Footballer Frank Lampard Jnr. as overweight for a professional athelete.

Note: These would be called Lampard Rolls, but this is a homosexual sex act. Other sausage related products simply replace the word sausage with Lampard - such as 'Cocktail Lampards' and 'Lampard Cakes'

John: Have you got any more Pastry Lampards?

Terry: I have, but I've left them in the splaigen

by titan_po May 31, 2009

pastry chef

A sex act performed in the following manner:

1. Have sex with a condom on
2. Bust a nut inside the condom
3. Remove the condom
4. Bite a hole in the tip of the condom
5. Squeeze out the contents of the condom in a decorative pattern on your partner's face.

I had sex last night and gave her the pastry chef.

by NasteeVag March 29, 2009

pastry shopping

When a guy goes out with the full intention of finding girls with muffin tops and making out with, or sleeping with them.

I just broke up with my girlfriend...I could really use some pastry shopping this weekend.

by Dubble D August 3, 2007

pastry dish

A commonly known physical object that resembles a dish made of some humanly volatile substance of decaying organic composition more commonly referred to as the common dish used for baking commonly known substances of a particular substancial manner of digestion by your internal organ system of the platypus.

\this pastry dish is like a bed pan

by Platypus headquarters April 10, 2009

Pastry Passage

The euphemism used to describe a dried up crusty vagina,

"It was like passing through a pastry passage"

by The Evzz August 25, 2017

Pastry Bag

A manuever in which a tube sock (or any sock for that matter) is ejaculated into by a group of men and is then it's contents are squeezed out of the tip into a girl's or girls mouth/s.

The sock is meant to act as the "pastry bag," and it's contents the icing.

A pastry bag is like a bukkake, but with a sock.

by El Diablo Maximus January 23, 2007

Pastry Pirate

Any person who takes great pleasure in one of the following acts to another person's pastry...either by penetrating with fingers or another part of the body, or by throwing at a wall at mach-3 to implode it. This person's malicious intent to defile your precious pastries, and his indulgance for piligining your innocent desires for one bite of your chocolate muffin make this individual a pastry pirate!

Boy that Sgt Lowe is sure one hell of a pastry pirate!

by Muzz7297 October 9, 2008