Salad Fingers is a man, a man with a plan, a man with a vision, a man of great vision, he's a
guy, he's a dude, a dude who lactates, warm milk "comes out from the inside of his teat" when he rubs nettles against it, and the best thing about this
guy is that his fingers are made of leaf vegetables.
AND he's VERY, VERY, creepy. And he stutters nervously whenever he speaks.
Picture the
scene right, you've got a fish cooking in the oven, it's so far at the back that you can't even reach it, so what do you do, you should HELP HELP HELP and some poor
guy comes in with a look of permanent terror on his
face, no one knows what terrible things this poor soul has seen but the worst is still to come for him, in he comes, you tell him about the fish and explain that with his "supple... little... frame...." he might be able to climb into the oven and get it for him. What do you do next? Well obviously you shut the oven,
pierce your leafy fingers on a meat hook on the wall, enjoy the
gorgeous sensation and sigh ecstaticly that you "like it when the red water comes out", doze off and eventually wake up in a pool of your own blood smelling the fumes wafting from the oven and comment that "that fish must be almost done by now".
And
Salad Fingers has got a room with the all his old
friends, minus skin and skeletons, hanging on hooks on the wall.
All I can say is, make sure you've got your SPOON GUARD if this
li'l fella comes a-knockin' on your
door. He's got a real thing for RUSTY SPOONS. (Spoon guard is available free of charge at rathergood.com, as well as a warning about the possible side effects of spoon guard).
