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Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer  

A parable passed down for generations describing the futility of the unintelligent to perform simple tasks.

Since ancient times, when an imbecile, ill-advised coworker or friend has attempted an assignment beyond their capabilities, they are often compared to a monkey endlessly trying to fix an engine that won't start by beating on it with a hammer, because monkeys do not possess the skills of a mechanic.
After being shown how twice, Dan never did learn how to open the fence, so it rained on him a few hours later. He was just like a Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer that day.
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Stone Hammer 

A lesbian who possesses very strong, man like tendencies. Such as cutting their own hair very short, stands like a man, and may even date/use a man simply to learn first hand how to look more like a man. Warning signs are the gingham patterned flannel shirts, with or without sleeves, trucker hats, or trigglypuff hair poof in addition to buzz cut side hair. Similar examples would be; butch dyke, bull dyke, G.I. Joe Jane, SJW with macho man flair, manly smirks.
May have even dressed as Harry Potter as a child even when it wasn't Halloween. Look for these warning signs.
"Bet you can't pick out Matt's girlfriend just by looking at the marketing photo of last years staff cookout."

Reply: "Yes, I can, its the stone hammer standing next to all the guys in the middle. Dead giveaway is no heels, no dress, no makeup, cop buzzed hair cut and rolled up sleeves." That's a typical stone hammer bro.
Stone Hammer by Todd Bod March 27, 2017

Numb Hammer 

When you have been sitting so long that blood has temporarily stopped flowing to your penis and it gets numb.
HOLY SCHNIIIKIES! I can't feel my hammer!

Dude, it's OK, you've just got Numb Hammer...

Oh OK... :)
Numb Hammer by minuccp March 27, 2009

Donkey Hammer 

Donkey Hammer is a nickname for a guy who has a large penis.
Wow you really have a donkey hammer
Donkey Hammer by Donky Hammer February 13, 2015

Jelly Hammer

When you dick is only semi erect, but you bang the shit out of a chick with it anyway.
I was shitfaced, but I banged the shit out of her with my jelly hammer.
Jelly Hammer by M Fartz October 19, 2010

boris the soviet love hammer 

Boris the Soviet Love Hammer is weapon that crushes pussy with the combined wrath of Lenin, Marx, and Stalin as it beats Communism into the souls of the masses.
The real reason the Soivet Union won on WWII was because Stalin straight up fucked Hitler up the ass with Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.

Dick Hammer 

A phrase used to describe someone or something stupid because "dick hammer" insinuates a device used to hammer dicks and thats a pretty stupid thing to have.
I can't believe Jane lit a firecracker in her cooch and burned her gooch...she's about as smart as a dick hammer!

Santa gave you a shake weight!? That thing is as useful as a dick hammer.
Dick Hammer by Smoothy Drewballs January 18, 2012