Penis Monkey

A mythical creature in the stories told around 2000 years ago about a legendary monkey that has god-like/omnipotent powers that will walk up to you in your dreams and steal your penis if you're a bad kid. Although it's just a tale that teaches kids to be good, this phenomena has shown up in many photos from the early 1860s to 1970s, only to disappear completely from every photo 69 hours later, after the picture was taken. Although having unlimited power would make you have every power imaginable and every power unimaginable, he only recorded powers are as follows:

-Teleportation
-The ability to make the skin of your penis roll up on itself and shred apart.
-Monky
-
-Ability to show himself in dreams.
-Ability to erase evidence of his existence.
-Immortality/Invincibility

Derek: Dude, what happened, why were you in the hospital?
James: T-the p-p-penis m-monkey got me.
Derek: Who? What are you talking about?
James: MY PENIS I-IT'S GONE!!
Derek: D: oh no
Tyrone: What happened?
Derek: Penis Monkey.

by poopoo monkey machine man May 26, 2020

monkey porridge

When a black guy blows a load in your mouth so thick you have to chew it.

"I'ma drop a batch of monkey porridge in this bitches mouth."

by DrNegroLsd May 23, 2016

Crust Monkey

Someone who is incredibly crusty and gross. They need to take a shower ASAP and wash their clothes. Someone whose pubic hair and facial hair looks the same.

"Bro, he is such a crust monkey he has cum stains on his pants and the skin on his right hand is peeling off!"

by Giggggiiiggg March 17, 2017

Lung Monkey

(n) A large, sticky glob of mucus.

Willis, recovering from a bad case of allergies, hawked a really gross lung monkey onto Gayle's fuzzy sweater.

by URallabunchofidiots June 30, 2018

Hood Monkey

Someone who trys to act gangsta but can't get it right.

That guy thinks he's so gangster he's a hood monkey.

by Ilovecats23 March 08, 2015

ditch monkey

The lowest pecking order of social class. Someone who wouldn't hesitate to snort a line of cocaine off a toilet seat while giving a bum a hand job.

"If that worthless ditch monkey didn't smell like urine and heroin farts, I would offer to buy him a meal."

by Kneezel August 20, 2006

hip to the monkey

To be in the know. To know the scoop behind the scenes. To know what's really going on.

She told me they were all filled up, but I was hip to the monkey on their little scam.

by alex brinkman July 17, 2005