a financial institution for the big boys. these "banks" raise capital for large corporations, governments, institutional investors, funds of various sorts by underwriting debt and equity offerings (new stocks and bonds.) They also advise on mergers/acquisitions/divestitures.
I decided I would give up my free time, become an analyst at an investment bank, go into investment banking, for about 10 years, and make my entire career earnings up front.
by natural delight December 18, 2008
Get the investment banking mug.Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
by Nicholas D May 7, 2007
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The stupid wastes of sperm & eggs that judge people by their appearance, occupation, hobbies, music taste etc. They often categorise people into a culture/sub-culture, & define them on the basis of their own shallow perspective. Alot of them post these definitions on urban dictionary.
Branding Asshole #1: That guy is so skinny, his hairs messy, he’s into art & bands that no one has ever heard of ... he’s such an indie fag.
Branding Asshole #2: But I saw him surfing the other day. Indie boys don’t surf!
Branding Asshole #3: I know! Surfers are just idiots who wear bright coloured tees & board shorts, even when their not on the beach & they usually have bleached hair. They also listen to pop rock bands like ‘All American Rejects’.
Branding Asshole #4: But I saw a song from The All American Rejects on the indie guys Ipod!
Branding Asshole #5: He must be a ‘scenester’ then.
Branding Asshole #6: I heard his girlfriends a indie chick. She wears vintage clothing & shit & likes to read alot.
Branding Asshole #7: I saw her shopping at ‘Supre’ the other day ...
Branding Asshole #8: She’s such a wannabe then.
Normal OPEN-MINDED person: You guys, are pathetic.
The point is kiddos, if a person does certain things that would make other people identify that person with a sub-culture, & then do something that would contradict the normal atmosphere of that subculture, they shouldn’t be labelled ‘indie’ or ‘surfie’ or ‘scenester’ (whatever the fuck that is). You can’t just define a person on superficialities, because in turn your defining YOURSELF as a superficial person. I listen to some indie bands & at the same time listen to other music that I enjoy, such as Chris brown! I love art & I love reading but I also like watching meaningless chick flicks. I wear what I think looks nice, & what I feel comfortable in, & don’t obsess over making myself look like an individual. You Branding Assholes out there might label me as some sort of wannabe (because that’s just what you do), but I define myself, for myself, & I don’t see myself as belonging to any of those stupid stereotypes.
Branding Asshole #2: But I saw him surfing the other day. Indie boys don’t surf!
Branding Asshole #3: I know! Surfers are just idiots who wear bright coloured tees & board shorts, even when their not on the beach & they usually have bleached hair. They also listen to pop rock bands like ‘All American Rejects’.
Branding Asshole #4: But I saw a song from The All American Rejects on the indie guys Ipod!
Branding Asshole #5: He must be a ‘scenester’ then.
Branding Asshole #6: I heard his girlfriends a indie chick. She wears vintage clothing & shit & likes to read alot.
Branding Asshole #7: I saw her shopping at ‘Supre’ the other day ...
Branding Asshole #8: She’s such a wannabe then.
Normal OPEN-MINDED person: You guys, are pathetic.
The point is kiddos, if a person does certain things that would make other people identify that person with a sub-culture, & then do something that would contradict the normal atmosphere of that subculture, they shouldn’t be labelled ‘indie’ or ‘surfie’ or ‘scenester’ (whatever the fuck that is). You can’t just define a person on superficialities, because in turn your defining YOURSELF as a superficial person. I listen to some indie bands & at the same time listen to other music that I enjoy, such as Chris brown! I love art & I love reading but I also like watching meaningless chick flicks. I wear what I think looks nice, & what I feel comfortable in, & don’t obsess over making myself look like an individual. You Branding Assholes out there might label me as some sort of wannabe (because that’s just what you do), but I define myself, for myself, & I don’t see myself as belonging to any of those stupid stereotypes.
by Kaisar January 9, 2009
Get the Branding Asshole mug.by Lucy Kitty girl May 15, 2016
Get the banking on it mug.When a driver brakes for no apparent reason, it is said by the aggravated person behind them that they are braking "for victory".
Holy shit, there's absolutely nothing in front of this guy, he needs to cut back on the fucking victory braking.
by branden January 5, 2006
Get the victory braking mug.The act of ramming a hot poker in your girl's ass while she licks your testicles. Then you perform a magic trick after she has passed out.
by John Whitaker October 8, 2003
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